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radikylie · 1 year ago

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Journal entry 5 million years later

Wow. It’s been well over a year and a half since I posted anything super personal and probably close to two years since being active on here. It has been a rollercoaster. In November 2021, I accepted a job at a university in the state where my love lived. After my graduate assistantship ended in 2020, it took me a year and a half to find a full-time job because of Covid. I applied to nearly 100 jobs and only heard back from maybe 10% of those jobs. And then I had exactly 3 and a half weeks to move my entire life across the country and move into an apartment with my then long-distance girlfriend when I was offered a job at a mid-size university.

Sometimes my life still doesn’t feel real. I’ve been so happy to be with my Emily and our quirky little sweet cat, but navigating life as an adult in this clown world has been extremely hard. I still can’t believe I live in fucking North Dakota. Our first two winters here have been the most brutal I have ever experienced. Boy, I thought I had SAD when I lived on the east coast but it sure is worse here. We hate living in a red state, but at least we live in the biggest city that is the most progressive.

My job as an admission counselor has been rewarding, difficult, draining, fun, and now mixed with frustration and disappointment. Our education system is a complete dumpster fire. Our incoming students and current students are having mental health crises every fucking day. It tears me apart sometimes to think that I am promising students a future I can’t guarantee with how the world is right now and where it’s going. In a week of traveling, I can drive over a thousand miles and spend over 30 hours in a car. There are high expectations and pressure to bring in first-year students because they are the true cash cows and there’s been a national decrease in enrollment across all institutions. The people I work with have been genuinely great people and are the best parts of the job sometimes. But the pay is absolute shit, and that coupled with rising greedflation and my outrageous private student loan debt feels like it’s crushing me. I don’t know how much longer I can take.

I recently applied for another job within my office that pays 10k more, and I know deserve something insanely better, but it would have been a good transition point and actually allow me to save money to move, and to get an EdTech job that is remote. I was denied this new job, the other candidate had “years of direct marketing experience” where I didn’t, but I had almost 2 years of experience in my office. I’ve shown them consistently that I have strong project management skills and organization for handling all of the texting/calling campaigns we do for students which was another part of this new job. It was handling all of the communications for print/emails (project management) and the job description didn’t even place a strong emphasis on design or marketing. But that’s what they went for in the other candidate. A white man. He wore a fucking flannel to the interview. If he didn’t have an awesome portfolio to present and he doesn’t bring the “wow” factor to this job, I’m going to be even more pissed.

And you know what also makes me mad. Last year around this time, we were actively hiring for another admission counselor position, and I was on that search committee. We were down to two choices, someone with 14 years of experience, and another person who interviewed so strongly but only had previous tour guide experience in terms of higher ed experience. We asked our supervisor if we could choose the person with less experience and she said that she would support that. We offered the position to the person with less experience but they eventually declined because the salary was so low (which we did advertise the salary??). So for this position I wanted, why would they not elevate another person in their office who has worked so fucking hard and has gone above and beyond for this position, and knows this office and best practices. So why does years of direct of experience matter now?

I cried for like the whole day. People in my office were rooting for me to have this job. The woman who previously had this job, she came from my position before that and didn’t even have a master’s. I cried because I felt trapped in this job, mainly due to capitalism. I cried because I felt so betrayed and underestimated. My direct supervisor was the chair for the search committee, and I know she doesn’t want to lose me as a counselor. Our director told me that my supervisor “adores” me, and that I consistently come up in their conversations about how I do great work and I get shit done. My director said she was excited that I applied and hoped they chose me, so I went into my final interview feeling very confident because she had already met the other two candidates before me.

When my supervisor called me to tell me the news (she was a at a conference), she started out saying that she appreciated me so much and that the other candidate would let them go in another direction that they didn’t even know they could go. I couldn’t speak. My voice cracked and I said thank you for letting me know and we ended the conversation. She followed up with a message on Microsoft Teams saying she appreciated me again and would like to help me build my skills to get me a job in EdTech, which is what I ultimately want. And I wonder if this response is because I low-key indicated to my director (because she flat out asked me) if I would leave if I didn’t get this job and I said yes. I don’t think my supervisor realizes how immediate I want (more like need) to leave.

I went home early crying after spending the entire week, waiting for the call, with extreme brain pain (psychophysiological disorder) symptoms and upset stomach to where I couldn’t eat because I was so stressed. Essentially, my nervous system thinks I’m in “danger” when thinking about travel season so it sends me unpleasant physical symptoms, like nerve pain in my face and muscle aches and nausea to where it gets debilitating at times. And travel season is both Fall and Spring. This past spring, I had to drive on icy back roads to rural parts of ND where my phone service does not work at times and once my tire starting leaking because it had a screw in it. I had a lowkey panic attack because I didn’t know what to do and needed to go to small town (population of 207) to get it patched. I was raped on a back road in a car with a man I thought I could trust when I was 20 so being out in the middle of nowhere gives me so much fucking anxiety. I’m stressed at the thought of college fairs starting in less than 2 months.

Stressed because I can’t do this fucking job anymore. The thought of being in this job for another travel season, like 6 weeks or more on and off of traveling start mid-September through November. And what’s worse is that we get “reimbursed” for our meals that we are out on the road but because North Dakota is North Dakota, I only get reimbursed up to $35 dollars a day meanwhile my coworkers traveling within MN can get up to $70 per day. So, when I travel, I have to be as frugal as possible and still lose money because I only get $6.50 for breakfast (unless I’m at a hotel and they have breakfast), 10.50 for lunch, and 17.50 for dinner. It was fine when I first started out but because of greedflation, it’s so much harder.

My student loan payments are like $700 dollars a month, and even though I have three fucking degrees, I’m stuck at an entry level pay despite having an MS degree. The pay across campus is abysmal. The pay for people with advance degrees is absolute shit. They advertised a mental health counselor position here which required a master’s or above and a license in counseling or social work for 43k. Like WHAT. That is what was offered to me when I started. I can’t save money long-term to get out of this fucking state, and we can’t even pay to go on a mini-vacation for a weekend trip. I had to tell my best friend from high school that I couldn’t go to her very fancy wedding on Cape Cod because there’s no way I can even save for myself. And I don’t think she will ever understand what its like to financially struggle and it feels like she lowkey resents me for it, and it makes me feel alone knowing she could never understand since both her and her husband come from a family with money. I worry she thinks I am just dumb as hell and not responsible with money but I can’t save for fucking anything.

And my god, it could be so much worse. I know this, and am grateful for what we do have but it feels like we have very little to look forward to, and we pretty much can only spend what we need and not for things we want long-term. My family was exactly middle-class and moved into upper-middle class by the time I was in late high school, so it’s brought me more perspective. We are what they call “new poor” - we are one unexpected medical bill/car repair bill away from financial insecurity. I never had to worry about things like this before, I grew up blessed, and I know this. I try to give what I can when I can to my community and family and friends in need.

I tried to pick up a second job at really, really cool brewery but the shifts are so long (6-8 hours) and I sprained my knee on the job which led to my entire back seizing up two days before my birthday a few months ago. The worst birthday I’ve ever experienced. When my back spasmed, I couldn’t walk for three days. I cried the entire time almost. The first day it happened I screamed in pain with every little movement, like so much so Emily worried the cops would be called. Emily had to do everything for me – help me shower, eat, go the bathroom and she cared for me so well. I am so blessed and lucky to have her. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I had to go back to physical therapy and that was expensive also because health insurance is a fucking scam. It took me about a month to get to 60% okay.

I couldn’t work at the brewery for months and the money from there was so good because it’s an insanely huge operation so now I’m back in the same position now, and don’t know if I can physically keep up with the work. They work their employees so hard, not in a bad way necessarily, it’s just the nature of it because it’s in the top 10 breweries on untapped or whatever. I don’t think I can physically handle more than one or two shifts a month, but I’m afraid to work a whole shift again.

My health is not great. My desk job already has me gaining weight paired with PCOS that feels like it’s out of control, and my body hurts from sitting all day. My face is constantly breaking out from hormonal acne, I’m sure it’s been from all the stress I’ve been under too, but also because everything in this fucking world is harmful to us in one way or another. I’m not at the highest weight I’ve ever been but close to 20 pounds extra since I moved here. Its just so hard to find time and energy to workout because I have so little of both. Especially when I’m traveling, and it’s harder because the cheapest food when I’m out on the road is fast food so there’s not a lot of options to be healthy, especially in fucking ND. I think the only healthy/salad bowl kind of place is in the city we are in and the capital of ND and that’s it lol and its also more expensive. Driving for hours and hours is so exhausting. So. my mental health and self-image have been suffering from all of that too.

But it feels like we are stuck in this city that is filled with terrible drivers and roads, and these brutal winters. The winters wouldn’t be so bad if the city actually maintained the roads better but every other week it feels like we are risking our lives to go to fucking work. I’ve had to drive through blizzards when I’ve never had any winter driving experience before. I’ve had an entire panic attack/mental breakdown on the interstate here that was completely iced over for 75 miles and I needed to get to the other side of the state for a fucking career fair for work. There were cars in ditches, and another fucking blizzard on the way after receiving well over a foot of snow in some parts of ND. If we weren’t visiting Em’s parents in the same town, and if she didn’t take over and drive on the icy parts for me, we would have never made it. I would have been paralyzed in fear at a truck stop without her, and she really showed up for me that day.

Spring and Fall both lasted maybe 3 weeks before it was either hot or cold season which seems to be all that ND has. Spring used to be my favorite season, but here the flowers don’t bloom until late May and its just mud and rain. Its depressing as hell. At least the summers have been mild in comparison to the disgustingly humid summers MD/VA have. When we do get a few really humid/hot days everyone complains so much and its funny to me because that’s basically any day in the summer on the east coast. It wouldn’t be so bad if our apartment ac unit actually fucking cooled our apartment below 72 degrees on a consistent basis. When its extremely hot and humid here, our apartment has gone up to 79 degrees if we do any sort of cooking or baking. It takes days to cool down, even with extra fans.

The city we live in does have a cool community and lots awesome local businesses. That’s been a saving grace. They do a lot of farmer’s markets, vintage markets, community/mutual aid events. If the world ever completely collapsed (which I feel is inevitable), I would feel pretty safe here and secure knowing the community is full of genuine and resourceful people. It’s a very safe and cheap city to live in because nobody wants to live in these winters. But we have no real friends here. We have our work friends who are just that, and it’s incredibly disappointing. We are both introverts but crave deeper connections with others, even if its only a few. One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn, and still learning, are that friends are like the seasons – they come and go.

I miss my family. I miss those summer days where I would wake up late, and my brother’s family would come over to swim. The dogs would be playing, and my niece and nephew being silly. My dad would grill and my mom would make a bunch of sides and we’d eat outside on the deck together. No plans except to go play a silly little video game by myself or with some people later that night after going for a walk or a run in my neighborhood in the woods. I miss sitting out in my driveway under the stars and trees with a good playlist, smoking a bowl, and reading about aliens. I miss my niece and nephew coming over every Tuesday and the house being so crazy with them but never a dull moment. I didn’t think I would miss that so much. My brothers can be assholes (my older brother more so), but it was nice when we were all getting along.

My relationship with my parents has gotten better as I’ve gotten older but they still can’t give me the emotional support that I need. Emily’s mom has been more emotionally supportive. My parents never ask me how I’m doing, just what I’m doing. I wish they would come visit me but I don’t think they ever will. They wouldn’t even fly me or Emily out for Christmas even though they have more than enough money to do so. They’ve been going on 10-day vacations in Jamaica at fucking Sandals, and doing weekend trips all over the east coast. But seeing me is not enough of a reason to fly here.

They keep telling me how much they miss me and want me to move back but then don’t do anything to help me do that. They said they would help us move if I got a job on the east coast but don’t care that I’m drowning in student debt. They disappoint me still and it feels like I have to grieve my relationship with them of what I need versus what they give me. It’s been that way my entire life. I know that they will never apologize for the things that they did while growing up. It’s a sad thing to come to terms with.

Another thing I have had to come to terms with is my purpose in this world, I guess. When I was 18, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to help people in some capacity. When I was 21, I had this grandiose idea and plans for how I could do that and save the world. When I was 24, I wanted to be a recreational therapist and create a holistic community center. When I was 25, I had started a master’s degree in Higher Education because I wanted to be a graduate assistant to a unique women’s college program within my university, which I worked hard to desperately create a safe space for young women, but the university didn’t give an actual shit about it. I didn’t think I would end up in higher education but here I am.

This is not where I expected myself to be at all, but I really did enjoy working with my students. So, I stayed in it. I finished my degree. And now I feel “stuck” in an education system that is very much a fucking dumpster fire. I’m feeling burnt out, I guess. It’s wrecking my mental and physical health. My nervous system is on high alert all the time, I think. I feel like I can never get enough time to actually rest and recover.

I’ve also had to re-evaluate my “purpose”. I’m an extremely spiritual person and have very much moved away from New Age completely but very interested in paganism or Mother Earth spirituality. I used to think that I had to have this grandiose purpose to change the world, but I recognize that the most important change comes from the self and extending that out to your community. Small acts of kindness can go a long way and encourage others to do the same, creating a chain reaction. But where exactly does that leave me?

Part of me wants to go to another university because of the “prestige” around it, but every institution has its own problems and is still within America’s education system that is a fucking shit show. I’m so concerned about how others see me sometimes, especially in professional sense. I felt like I was a late bloomer in all things because it took me 6 years to get my bachelor’s, but I also had a complete thyroidectomy after struggling with severe symptoms from it, and then being raped 3 months after the surgery. I was academically suspended for a year after my surgery and SA because my GPA was so low. There are so many people from that period of time who wrote me off as a dumb stoner and had no idea I was abusing weed because of trauma. Even my ex-girlfriend and her friends just thought I was a dumb stoner.

So, I guess I feel the need to “prove” that I am more than what they assumed me to be. I thought that I needed to be so career-driven to change the world and I am starting to understand that having that mindset is not a healthy way to live and will lead to self-destruction and burnout. I never thought I would hate my current job as much as I do. And I’m realizing that I don’t necessarily hate the work, but rather the expectations and circumstances surrounding it. I could stick out this job longer if I was paid more but it feels like I am running out of time to find something different before travel season starts again.

I’ve essentially quiet quit at this point. I feel like I have to detach myself from everyone because it hurts that I’m going to have to leave some of the people in my office, and I would go to bat for them at any time. I’ll be doing just above the bare minimum, and will not be volunteering as often to do extra things any more. A coworker of mine just got placed into her dream job and I’m so excited for her, but her leaving also gives us more work to cover. Another reason why I need to leave. And if I can leave before travel season, I feel a little guilty leaving during an important peak time, but they put me in this position.

I can’t do it. I won’t if I don’t have to. And if September comes, and I am still searching for a job, I will do the college fairs with the goal of leaving before October. They could have given me the other position and I would have grown into it, and worked extremely hard to exceed their expectations and they could have arranged to have a new admission counselor in my position by the time college fair season started. But they made their choice. I need to make mine now.

But now I feel like I have to redefine what work means to me. Fuck the system. I can make my own path. I can change the world without a grandiose career. Its okay to just show up to work and then live your life. And so, I hope that my next job is in EdTech (and remote) that can give me financial freedom and security because that’s what it really all comes down to. I want a “lazy girl” job. A job that I feel good about and is not as emotionally/physically demanding so that I have the money to help others and do what I want. I just want to live a comfortable life, and one where I am not always worrying about money.

So, in order to get that, I think I need to release all of this. It’s been holding me back. I deserve a job that pays me well, and lets me live the life I want. A job that lets me help my friends and families, and give back to my community. I don’t have to bear the burden of being in a career that is glorified for how much you give and destroy yourself for it. I can’t imagine what k-12 teachers feel every day.

I think the next piece is letting go. Doing a trust fall for Mother Goddess to catch me and deliver me to my next opportunity. Trusting that the perfect job is on its way to me, and I won’t miss out on something that is for me. I deserve a job that gives me a better work-life balance. That I don’t feel like I am killing myself to survive. I have the money to live how I want, and all of the time and energy I have for other things is abundant.

I get so caught up worrying about making the right or wrong choice, or missing out on a job posting. I get caught up thinking that I’m not quite enough – I don’t have quite enough experience or direct experience or the right degrees. I get caught up with thinking about the cost of living in other states and what I can’t do or where we can’t move to. What if I’m meant to focus on the good, and all of the possibilities and different lives of Kylie. The possible exciting adventures in store for me.

Its reminiscent to how I felt when I couldn’t find a job after my graduate assistantship. I was stressing over every little thing. And then I finally just surrendered. That’s what it felt like after my huge disappointment with Bryn Mawr College and they decided not to hire me but not long after that I was offered my current job. And how I felt after running into my ex at a grocery store and having a panic attack and obsessing over how I’m going to meet my love and what I do or don’t do that could lead me to missing that connection. I eventually had to acknowledge and say that I surrender to the wonderful mystery that is the Universe. About two weeks of recognizing my need to let go of control, I met my Emily.

The catalyst this time is not getting this position within my office. It was a devastating disappointment. I’m still trying to reconcile that. But it has also opened me up to the fact that I do deserve something insanely better - better pay, better benefits, better work-life balance. I know my worth. And while I feel betrayed that I wasn’t picked for this position, I don’t need to punish myself or the people in my office for it. I do still feel a hint of resentment towards my supervisor, but she’ll understand the choice she made when I get offered my next job.

At first, I wanted to sulk. I wanted to quiet quit as loudly as possible. But now I see that I need to cherish my time with everyone. I want them to miss having me. I want to leave the office on good terms. But I want people to know that they lost my loyalty as well. I want people to think that they wish I was still there because of all the light and humor I brought. So. I will not be jumping at every opportunity to volunteer extra time and energy towards things. I will not be half-assing this job completely, but I will not be going above and beyond as often anymore either.

I am still incredibly sad and frustrated at this disappointment, but I see it was necessary and its time for me to move on, as scary as it seems. I will miss these people so much. So now I need to let go. Trust fall. Mother Goddess, A-team, I trust that the perfect job will find its way to me and will bring about the most exciting and best chapters of my life. Thank you for this.

#personal #holy shit this is by far the longest journal entry i have ever written on here #i have not been active in well over a year and a half p much #dont know if i will be again but i needed to post this for my own sanity #so hey if you remember me hi hope ur doing well #are people still really active on this idk i left bc the radfem community drama and life #anyway i wrote this at work otherwise i was going to lose my damn mind and according to word it is 4474 words and 6 pages so

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flashbackonyourbehalf · 2 months ago

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(Long rant ahead but I need to get it out.)

The friend who’s been crashing on my couch since March is moving out. Her father died and she’s getting an inheritance that will finally get her back on her feet after being homeless for years, so I’m happy for her! It’s also good because in the last couple months, she became insufferable. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be fucked without her help once I fucked up my back again, but I’ve spent at least half a dozen therapy sessions ranting about her.

It just sucks that it’s happening NOW. I’m not fully better yet, and can’t take care of the place on my own. And being both immobilized and isolated has contributed to my descent into insanity. The last few nights I took solace in the fact that I’d see her in the evening, but she didn’t come home and was cagey about what was going on. (Not that she owes me information but I was concerned, as this was out of character for her.

But tonight she tells me she’s coming over to pick up some stuff and I said I had to run errands and she asked me to just leave the door unlocked, and like ?? No? She’s the one who lost the copies of my keys that I made and paid for and has more than enough time to replace them. I said I’d only be gone for half an hour and she said “if it’s only half an hour then it’s fine.” Like bruh, I wasn’t asking your permission. I made an effort to hurry even though I can barely walk, but she didn’t even show up till 4 hours later.

So she comes over and starts packing then I realize she’s wearing her shoes on inside, which she should know by now, after living with me since March, I’m pretty anal about, especially since my place is 75% carpet. She even brings her WET UMBRELLA inside and puts it ON the carpet. Like bruh who does that??

She keeps dodging my questions and attributing it to having complicated feelings about her father’s death (he was a bigot who raised her in a cult and kicked her out for being trans), and I’m not going to pretend to fathom what it’s like to lose a parent, but the way she came across was…weird. I know her VERY well. I’ve seen her happy, hungry, tired, heartbroken, and everything in between. But the way she was being evasive was strange to say the least, a far cry from how she used to refer to me as her “gay best friend” or her “trans bestie.” It was almost like she was just playing along when I was so excited for her future and proud of her for holding in through those dark days.

I also asked for help putting my mattress pad and fitted sheet on (bc I’m in a ton of pain and moving hurts), and she said no bc her Uber driver was going to be there in “like a minute.” I started saying “it’ll only take 30 seconds with your help” before realizing I’d come across as a pushy asshole and dropped it. I *was* able to do it myself but it was very painful, and during those whole 3 minutes, she just stood there on her phone, so I’m pretty sure she was just making excuses.

I’m fucking pissed and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting. I’ve done SO much for her, and it feels like, now that she doesn’t need me, she’s leaving me in the dust.

I’m just fucking glad she decided to pay her portion of November rent two weeks ago.

#rant #rant post #roommates #am i overreacting?#very complicated feelings about this

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maximuswolf · 5 months ago

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Anxious about tinnitus getting worse after long music festival

Anxious about tinnitus getting worse after long music festival Hi all,I’ve had to deal with light form of tinnitus since i was 14-15 (at least that’s when i began to notice it, now i’m 19) but given that it wasn’t very intense i’ve always been able to ignore it and live with it (I never got checked by a doctor) , and i was only aware when purposefully concentrating on It, especially in a completely silent environment.So, three days ago (14/08/24) i went with some Friends to the Red Valley Music Festival in Olbia (i’m from Sardinia), and we stayed there from 7:20 PM to around 4:20 AM of the next morning (the 15th), so for around 9 hours.It was the first time i had ever gone to a concert or event of that kind, so i didn’t completely know what to expect, but as a precaution i had brought with me a pair of earplugs (Loop Experience 2), that i wore for practically the whole time.I think the volume was insane, it was extremely loud, and very naively we, or rather, I, got carried away by the emotions so i followed my friends and we stayed for most of the time within around 80-50 meters from the stage. We took some “breaks” here and there, in which we moved to the furthest points of the Arena, but even there the volume was pretty high.Reflecting now about the experience, i realize what a stupid gamble i took, although i can say that i felt the effect of the earplugs, which reduced the volume quite a bit, however, nothing could stop the bass and the lower notes that shook everything when they came.At around 9:30 AM of the 15th, i got back home and i realized that i perceived sounds a bit muffled, and my tinnitus was a bit more intense, and honestly, i believe i had a panic attack from the anxiety i got from the tinnitus, together with the fact that i hadn’t slept for many hours, and my mind wasn’t clear.Leaving that aspect aside, i believe the muffled sounds sensation resolved in that evening, while, as the time of writing this, i believe that for the tinnitus the situation hasn’t improved much, if at all.I took an appointment to an otolaryngologist (i think that’s what it’s called in english), so in less than a week i’ll get his opinion, while also checking the general health of my ears.The fact that i am an anxious person doesn’t help, and i’ve been constantly having the fear that there is no hope for improvement, and that my hearing will permanently have to pay for the consequences of my carelessness, and that i will suffer for this.What are your thoughts? Anybody who had a similar experience they want to share? Any consideration Is appreciated.btw, my tinnitus feels almost like a CRT tv static noise, and It varies when moving my neck or jaw. Submitted August 17, 2024 at 06:17AM by Snoopy205 https://ift.tt/mhJdy5t via /r/Music

#IFTTT #reddit

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wizkiddx · 3 years ago

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hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

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“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

tom taglist: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol

#tom x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland one shot #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland oneshot #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #angsty #pregnant!reader

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trylobite · 3 years ago

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currents, part one

journal entry # 42

may 3, 1998 - 4 days before graduation

looking back on the countless hours spent loving and being loved by pj these last two years, i never imagined things would end like this. i never thought i would end things like this.

we have been fighting more and more recently. he thinks im unhappy, everyone thinks im unhappy. fuck, even i thought i was unhappy with him for a while, but I don’t think that’s it. It may sound totally juvenile and cliche, but I think im too happy with pj, and its becoming so terrifying. why are the best things always so fucking terrifying?

the love we share is bursting from my every seam and that’s why i can’t continue. i love him so much, so truly but, after days of contemplation i’ve concluded that despite being surrounded by all this love, i feel so dejected. i want to be a good person and love people with my entire soul, and right now, i don’t fucking know anything, especially not the importance of loving and cherishing someone else for all that they are. thats what i do know.

i dont think it insane of me to say that i don’t want to look back on this relationship years from now, having not ended it, and us both be miserable.

the devastating thing is, if that were the outcome, i don’t think he would leave me like im about to leave him. he’s too selfless. i don’t want to do it, truly i don’t. i don’t want to murder his spirit in the process of figuring out who i am, but is it nobler to sacrifice myself for the man i love the most and never be able to give him the love he deserves in return?

maybe that was too poetic, but dear journal, i really mean it.

i know what i must do, it was bound to happen. i just can’t let myself hurt him anymore. i know that once im gone, he will be happier.

—— october 30, 2000 ——

i breathe in deeply letting the crisp, autumn, pennsylvania air fill my lungs.

ever since graduation ive been up north in the glum state of maine trying to connect with myself. i tried college up there for a few weeks but dropped out because all it was doing was adding to the stress and heartbreak i was putting myself through.

inever told anyone where i was going, just my parents so they could send money every now and then. but to everyone else, i sort of…disappeared.

i spent most of my time in maine with my neighbor, edith. shes this feisty little hippie lady in her mid 60’s, and she took me in when i was at my lowest. edith runs a quaint little bakery in town, which she sort of manipulated me into working at, but to be honest i’ve never minded. she has a luxurious garden thats full of herbs and spices used in her shop. we have spent many hours back there in her garden just talking, crying, laughing,. she taught me so much about the mysterious ways humans live and adjust. she would tell me stories from her life that taught her about empathy, love, betrayal, and remorse. i’ve learned a lot from ole edith and for that i will forever be in her debt.

edith is actually the one who convinced me to come back after all this time, to my home town. i didnt want to, for reasons obvious to both edith and i, but as i hinted at before, once edith wants something shes relentless. she told me to come and visit for a few days over halloween weekend, and if it was horrible i could give her a call and she would buy my train ticket back immediately. i reluctantly packed my bags and rang my parents to tell them the news.

so here i am, in the backseat of my family car that we have had since I was 10 years old, I can still smell the cigarette smoke from when my mom was an avid chain smoker in the early 90’s. i have the window down letting the sharp, icy wind swirl my hair all about my face. my headphones are blaring against my ears so loud that im almost positive my parents could hear the music over the wind. i’ve been playing matchbox twenty’s “yourself or someone like you” album on repeat the entire train ride here, and I don’t know if it’s the nauseating loneliness in rob thomas’ voice blasting into my head for hours or if it’s the weight that these familiar streets carry but im starting to feel very anxious and lightheaded the closer we get to home.

i let go of a shaky breath i didn’t know i was holding as we pass the skate park me and the boys spent a million nights at fucking around, smoking, getting drunk. i would always complain when steve brought his “magic dust”, but pj always promised if anything happened, he would make sure i was taken care of. bam and ryan always just laughed in my face and told me to loosen up, fucking assholes.

bam margera has been my best friend ever since i can remember. we grew up next door to one another, and with no other neighboring houses being as close as ours are, it was inevitable that we would become attached at the hip. we would always hunt for bugs and crawfish down in the creek by my house and use them to scare his mom, april. i remember when ryan dunn moved to west chester, it was like our team was finally complete. we were literally the three musketeers, and no one could separate us. my mom always hated the fact her sweet little angel was being turned rotten by some gross little boys, but i think she grew to love them as much as i did over the years. our parents thought that once we hit puberty the three of us would naturally fall apart, but i think the awkwardness and uncomfortable changes of puberty only brought us closer. our interests obviously did start to differentiate more, like bam and ryan got into skating and bmx, and i got more into reading and writing, but it never caused a rift. they were my brothers, until the very end. until i left.

i remember the day they introduced me to the rest of their friends. i only ever hung out with bam and ryan on our own, but i knew of their other friends through the stories they would tell me. that day bam and ryan said they were going to take me to the skate park to show me this “gnarly trick” that bam had finally mastered.

i always found it amusing because the guys absolutely refused to go to the actual skate park in town, we always went to this abandoned pool in the outskirts of the suburb that bam had declared their territory the beginning of freshman year.

i wanted to be supportive of his hobbies, so i went willingly, but turns out there was no trick and i had been lied to. i was greeted by many new faces that day, one being a face i will never forget.

i shake the memory of our first meeting from my mind as my dad pulls into the driveway. the lawn is decorated with the ghost decorations the boys and i made years ago for a halloween bonfire. i frown at the memory, wishing i could get amnesia to forget all these good things ive left behind. as i step out of the car my shoes make a squishy noise against the orange and yellow leaves that have fallen into the driveway. there are puddles soaking the pavement, turning it into a dark and depressing gray. mom told me over the phone yesterday about all the rain they have been getting lately. seems like even the weather in west chester was preparing for my arrival.

i look over to bams house and try to suppress the ache bubbling up in my chest. i don’t want to be here; I feel like my happiness is being slowly sucked out through ribs.

ever since i left this shitty little town ive been able to grow and become a better version of myself but being back has already started to affect me. i don’t want to revert back to the person that ive worked so hard to let go of, i want to be free from that life and those mistakes.

the whipping of birds playing above my head pulls me from my internal monologue and with my head hung low, i creep up the driveway. my hand touches the ice-cold knob, but something stops me from entering. I can’t put my finger on what exactly, but then I hear it, the faint rhythmic buzzing from the bass of someone’s car getting closer and closer. my eyes fly to the top of the hill near the end of the street, and I can feel my heart start beating harder and a knot growing larger in my stomach. for a split second i can’t differentiate between the bass vibrating the air around me and the deafening knocking of my heart at my ears. as the car came barreling down the street, my body starts to weaken and i feel as if all my bones have been replaced with jello.

they were in chris’s van, and they were listening to some weird band that bam was obsessed with (if i had to guess) on the loudest volume possible and with all of the windows down. i knew i needed to stop looking and go inside before I got caught, but something about seeing them acting so…normal…without me wouldn’t allow me to look away. however, that feeling is soon washed away by a tender ache piercing through my chest.

the pout on my lips is suddenly replaced with an emotionless, cold expression as i spot pj in the back seat. despite the look on my face, my heart has never felt so sore. his warmth is radiating through the car’s windows, and i feel like i can almost hear his rich, gravelly voice ringing in my ears. I can still remember the way his cologne would mix around in the air and fill my lungs with pine and cigarette smoke. I can still feel his soft palm and calloused fingers brushing along my lips and cheek, and his soft pink lips dancing over my jaw and down my neck. this is all too much.

as they pull into the driveway next door, i watch them file out of the van and into the garage. I take a second scanning over all of them, seeing new tattoos and new injuries. they were all there, from what i could see. chris, steve, ehren, dave, ryan, bam, and pj.

when I finally give my eyes permission to look at pj, i am met with those beautiful dark brown pools, that once held so much admiration for me. they were now full of confusion and anger.

it took me a second to even realize he had noticed me and from that point on all i could focus on was escaping the situation. i swing my backpack over my shoulder and rush for the front door, but by the time i pass through the threshold of my childhood home, full of so many memories, i knew the secret was already out.

#i hope u guys like part one :0 #sorry if its bad okay pls dont judge me im literally sick u have to be nice to me #i decided to post it now bc i want some feedback on what u guys think is gonna happen or what u wanna see happen in part 2 #i made a lot of last minute changes to maybe seem more cohesive but i didnt proof read again lol #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville #pj clapp #jackass #bam margera #ryan dunn #steve o #chris pontius #ehren danger #dave england #🪲#🩻

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acknowledgetheabsurd · 2 years ago

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My dear, if I had not sent this letter tomorrow morning for you to receive it Monday after this so arid Sunday, I think I would have waited until the night passed to write to you, for I find myself this evening in such a state of nerves, of extreme fatigue and of dry despair that I can only hope for one thing, a peaceful sleep that does not seem to come. I would have liked to go to bed early, taking advantage of the day off. It's 1:30 in the morning and I've just gone to bed at the last minute. That's my day.

After a short night (five and a half hours of sleep) and ploughing through insane nightmares, I got up at 7:30, weary, dumb, empty mind, absent heart, my eyes cloudy and shivering from the cold. At 9 o'clock, after looking for a taxi for twenty minutes, I finally arrived at the radio station. With a hoarse, broken voice, I mumbled the text of a few scenes from The Exchange, but as Germaine Montero was shooting and had to leave at 10:30, we didn't finish the recording, as we had planned. They kept me there until half past twelve - on the pretext of working on my monologue - but for the sole reason that we had to occupy the studios that we'd booked for a certain number of hours until the last minute. I went home, already in a very bad mood. The tyranny of the administration is not made to please me, and my lunch with Wattier lasted until 3:30. She kept talking about numbers, trade ratings, gold weight values, foals, dealers, etc. I was in a very bad mood.

At 3:30 p.m., Pitou had to come. So I waited for her without doing anything at first, until 4:30. I took a book. The first Proust. I hung on to the first page. At 5 o'clock, Pitou called. She could not come. I read all the time. With Angeles being out, she won't be back until tomorrow morning. I prepared and served dinner. Dad was in a bad way. He couldn't talk, let alone eat. From 10:00 to 11:00, we wanted to watch the "Who Are You?" quiz together, but Dad was getting worse and worse and he was getting angry. I decided to get him ready for the night and go to bed. It was 11 o'clock. Alas! By the time I tried to clean the heater, it was too late. The fire was almost out, the stove was cold. Then a scene began - I'll spare the details - in which I tried to convince my father to let me turn it on again. There was nothing to be done. He got more and more angry. He could talk less and less. Just bits and pieces of words. Helpless gestures. Coughing. Choking. I gave up and took the electric heater to his room. Then I helped him change his pajamas. Dream! We started at a quarter to midnight and finished at a quarter to one. An hour and a half to take off a jacket, a wool shirt, and put on a shirt, a jacket, and a sweater! As for me, I didn't burst into tears by some miracle. I could no longer feel pain, pity, helplessness and love.

Now here I am. A little spiky, a little twisted. I'm in pain, my darling, in all that pain you can't do anything about. And this day after day, month after month, year after year. How can he? At last! Let's wait until tomorrow. The first shot of serum. Let's hope so. I've reread your letter. Oh! Yes, you're better and life comes flooding back and I hear again the familiar words ("useless vertigo") and again the fury and the lyricism and the poetry and the demands ("be austere, wear strict clothes, cloister yourself"). Ah! how I love it when you demand! Yes, my darling, here you are strong again, triumphant, alive, wrapped again in all your characters, closed, defended, armed. And if it is infinitely sweet to have you against me, stripped of everything, naked and shivering, I am deeply happy to know you as you are at this moment. Work, laugh, eat, sleep and come back to me radiant with happiness. Oh my love! I'm stopping - tomorrow morning I'll go on. I'll read. I would like to forget myself a little. Good night, darling.

Maria Casarès to Albert Camus, Correspondance, January 20, 1950 [#139]

#albert camus #camus #absurd #absurdism #maria casares #correspondance #love letters #love #heart #despair #fatigue #father #cold #pain #pity #happiness

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dollslayer · 4 years ago

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The Stand-In

CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Stood up by your date and stranded in one of the nicest restaurants in town, Bucky Barnes just can't let that stand.

Warnings: slight angst, smut, oral (m & f receiving), deepthroating, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it !), if I missed anything let me know!

W/C: 3,807

A/N: I wrote this for @simsadventures 6k mixed adventure challenge (Congrats!) w/ a restaurant setting and the line "If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice". If you like it please reblog and comment and tell me what you think! Cheers!

p.s. - Come check out my other fics or find me on AO3 (same name)!

Main Masterlist

7 PM

Your best Jimmy Choos click gingerly as you walk up to the hostess stand at one of the most popular restaurants in Manhattan. He had made the reservation in your name, which you gave to the hostess. She takes a minute to consider you, cocking a brow as she silently clocks your ASOS cocktail dress. You looked chic enough that she could forgive you. Her moment wasn’t lost on you, this part of the Upper West Side was so stuffy so you put on your best.

Feeling slightly self-conscious about your attire you brushed the feeling off quickly. He would be here soon and he’d reassure you how beautiful you look. When you’d met for coffee he’d make you feel so sexy and confident with how sure of himself he was. So when he asked you to dinner at one of the most renowned places in the city and said he wanted to talk tonight you accepted immediately.

“Right this way” the hostess said and broke you out of your self-doubting stupor and guided you towards a some-what secluded table towards the back of the restaurant.

“Here are some menus for you two, if you’d like anything to drink while you wait, your waiter should be here soon”, she sent you an artificial smile and turned on her heel back to the stand.

You picked up a menu and it left you reeling at the prices. You had half a mind to text him and see if he wanted to go somewhere else. Based off of the way he dresses and how he had tipped the barista on your first outing you thought better of it. He’d said he wanted to treat you, so you’ll let him.

7:15 PM

You decided to wait to order anything to drink until he got here, too afraid of the price tag attached to any bottle of wine on the menu.

You took a sip of your water and checked your texts for the second time since sitting down. Still nothing, you didn’t want to text him just yet, you knew he was busy and you didn’t want to seem overbearing. You knew he was a CFO and he’d be coming from the financial district when traffic was insane. You could forgive him. You take another sip of your water hoping it’ll wash all of your doubts away. Besides, it’s not like he’s late-late, he’s like, fashionably late, he’s working-man late.

7:30 PM

Okay, so he’s late-late, don’t panic. Sometimes things happen, he’s only human and this is only your second date.

Your waiter approaches the table again, eyebrows raised expectantly at you. The smug look on his face says he’s thinking what you’re too afraid to.

You order yourself a $25 martini. Your waiter promises to return and you finish off your water.

Time to craft the perfect text that says ‘Hey I’m here, where tf are you?’ without actually asking where the fuck he’s at. You tap away nervously on your phone.

‘Hey, I’ve got a table towards the back, closer to the end of the bar’ Perfect.

7:45 PM

You’re still sitting solo at the table, you feel the beginnings of humiliation creep into your features. You feel warm, your brows form a seemingly permanent crease of worry, and you are trying everything in your power to suppress the tears you felt building up.

You don’t make eye contact with your waiter when he stops by again, playing it off like you were sending a text. But you tell him you’ll be right back so that he doesn’t give up your table.

You walk quickly to the bathroom hoping no one will notice your trembling face. You feel just like a middle schooler that got dumped at the dance. You make it to a bathroom stool and dial your best friend, Wanda.

“Is everything okay? You’re supposed to be out with your mystery date aren’t you?” She had answered almost immediately.

You sniffled a bit and took a shaky inhale. “Y-yes, our reservation was for 7 and he put it in my name, I texted him once already but I don’t wanna seem too overbearing for a second date, y’know? But something feels off. I don’t know, maybe I’m being crazy.”

“You’re definitely not being crazy, it sounds fishy to me. If he doesn’t answer in five minutes I want you to leave and come straight over. I’ll have white Russians and Drag Race waiting for you” Wanda always knew just what to say, just how to make you feel. You were grateful for her.

You sighed into the receiver. “Thanks, babe, I’ll let you know what happens either way”. You hung up and grabbed some toilet paper to dab at the corners of your eyes. You knew you’d need an extra minute to compose yourself as you faced the truth.

He’s not coming, he’s not texting me back, he probably regretted setting the date which is why he put the reservation in my name, I won’t be hearing from him again. Just pay your tab, smile, and leave. You got this.

7:52 PM

Checking your appearance in the mirror one last time you let out a final sigh and push open the door back to the dining room. Your walk to your table begins to slow when you notice someone is sitting at your table. A rather tall, unfamiliar someone.

Did the waiter really give away the table? I’ve been gone all of 7 minutes! What do I even say to this stranger? Should I just grab my bag and go? Hopefully it’s still there.

Your final steps towards your seat are nervous and uneven. The man in the chair opposite yours must’ve heard you and he faces you. You’re struck with an unfamiliar but extremely handsome face. The look of surprise must be tangible because he laughs and slight wrinkles form at the edges of his eyes. Who the fuck is this guy? Well he hasn’t stolen my purse so there’s that.

“I-” You lean over to grab your purse when you’re cut off mid-apology.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, you know how it is at work. Sit down, I ordered a bottle of wine for the table”. The man said.

You sat down slowly and felt so stiff and uncomfortable in the chair. Were you being pranked? Was this part of some very elaborate joke? Before you could ask any of those questions the man reached across the table and grabbed your hand.

“If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice” He said as his thumb grazed your knuckles. You were slightly stunned by his boldness. You complied, if only out of shock and hoped he’d explain himself a little better or let you go in time for you to make an exit.

He leaned in closer to you, to anyone else it would’ve looked like an intimate moment during any normal date. He looked you in the eyes while he kept hold of your hand and you realized how warm he was, how clear his eyes were. You took a deep breath through your nose and tried to play it cool.

“I’ve been at the bar for a while now, it seems like whichever idiot decided to stand you up made a grave mistake.” Your brows pinched together and he continued, “I was with a friend talking business but he left and you look like you needed to be saved from the incident so here I am. James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”

You were unsure what to do with the information just given to you. Yes, it would’ve been embarrassing to pay your tab and leave alone after sitting there for almost an entire hour by yourself, but it was also embarrassing that this man had noticed and you certainly didn’t need anyone looking at you like some damsel in distress.

You caught yourself from scoffing completely and schooled your features. “I… appreciate that you’d do that for me but I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, especially not a date.” You tried to pull away when his hand gently squeezed yours.

“Please- I- I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m doing this out of pity. Whatever happened here is unfortunate, yes. But you’re also very beautiful and you’re here by yourself so why not ‘shoot my shot’ as I believe the kids are saying these days? Think of me like a stand-in for the other guy, but y’know, better” he replied playfully.

A very brief moment of contemplation was solidified by your lack of notifications on your phone. Why not? He’s good looking and he’s doing you a favor.

You had to at least afford a small chuckle at that. “So ‘Bucky’, huh? Well I don’t have any cool nicknames but you can call me by my first name.” You gave it to him and he repeated it back to you, a wry smile on his face.

8:05 PM

Still no texts from him but you did text Wanda to tell her everything worked out and there’d be details to come. She’d go into full on mama bear mode if you hadn’t updated her.

“So, Bucky, what do you do? Do you live here in Manhattan?” You asked before taking a sip of your wine (which you didn’t dare check the price of per bottle).

“Brooklyn, actually, but a lot of my business is here. Have you heard of Buchannan hospitality?” He asked.

Your brain snagged itself on that name. That sounds familiar? Where have I seen that? Oh wait! Didn’t you see him in the Forbes ‘30 under 30’ list last year?

You’d meant to answer him but unfortunately all that came out was a confused “Forbes?” at which he laughed a little bit and nodded.

“Yeah you might’ve seen me there. I own some hotels and lounges around Manhattan and Brooklyn. What do you do?” He had brushed off his accolades so quickly, wanting instead to know about you, this random girl that had been stood up.

Shit, your mid-level marketing job doesn’t stand up to this in the least. You took a sip of the wine and answered him, explaining you were second in command of your small company’s marketing department.

He seemed genuinely intrigued and you two ended up talking business and swapping office and university disaster stories until the main course arrived. You dug into your meal, savoring the taste and relishing in the unusual turn of events.

8:47 PM

The plates have been cleared away and the wine glasses refilled. Bucky was proving to be great company and as oddly as it started you were grateful to be sitting here with him. You’d nearly forgotten about your would-be date and decided to check your phone one last time.

You had 11 unread texts, 10 of them from Wanda wanting a play-by-play and one of them from the man that had stood you up. You opened it and sighed. ‘Can’t make it tonight, baby, promise to make it up to you soon’.

You scoffed to yourself. He’s not gonna say where he’s been? Or even say sorry? Douche.

You put your phone away and looked back up to Bucky who was eyeing you with playful curiosity.

“Lemme guess, that was the guy who was supposed to be seeing you’s sorry ass excuse followed by a flimsy apology” He said as he drank from his water glass.

“You’re 1 for 3. It was him but he didn’t apologize or try to explain himself. Should’ve known when he put the reservation under my name and not his that something might be up and when he wasn’t there on time.” You said more to yourself than to Bucky.

“What’s his name?” Bucky asked.

“His name’s Brock Rumlow,” Bucky’s expression changed just slightly at this. “I think he works at some firm in the financial district. We only ever went out the once before this so I don’t really remember.” You explained. “What? What’s that look for? Please don’t tell me you know him”.

“Sorry to say that I do. Sorry to say I know his wife too” He said a little more quietly.

You felt humiliated all over again, the same feelings that you experienced in this very seat not an hour ago still had you by the gills it would seem.

Bucky reached for your hand again, running the pads of his thumb across the ridges of your knuckles in an attempt to calm you.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you upset, but you definitely ought to know that Rumlow is no one that deserves your time” Bucky said in earnest.

His words were nice but you’d need some time to get over this embarrassment on your own. In the meantime, you really were enjoying Bucky’s company so you decided to let it distract you.

Bucky flagged down a waiter, signaling him to bring the check. He took one glance at it and set his card inside. As you reached for the bill with your own card in hand he gave it to the waiter before you could even get a peek. He was so nonchalant when he looked at you.

“Don’t even think about it. So tell me, is the night over or are you game to spend a little more time on me?” He asked. This is the second time he’d been dominant but kind in one breath. You weren’t entirely sure how you felt but you didn’t dislike it.

If you went home you’d just be wallowing in your own self pity, or you’d go to Wanda’s and do it but if you go with Bucky you could delay that feeling for a bit longer. Out with a stranger it is.

“Where to?” You asked him.

9:59 PM

A private booth on the top floor of what he said was one of his favorite lounges turned out to be where to. You were relieved to find there was no dancing, as you had two left feet and half a bottle of wine by now. When you got to the booth you stuck with water, knowing you’d need to get yourself home.

Bucky had insisted on one glass of champagne ‘to chance encounters’ he’d said. You agreed but just one. You found yourself closer to him while you talked, your knees touched and his hand found its way to your leg. It didn’t dare to move higher up, just staying there like a comforting weight almost while you conversed.

You were rambling on about the time you and your cousin took your dad’s car for a joyride when you were 14. You were laughing the whole thing off when you realized he wasn’t laughing with you. You had worried for a moment that you’d bored him when you saw the soft yet intense look in his eye and tilted your head with curiosity.

“You’re very beautiful, you know that right?” He didn’t let you answer as he shifted closer. “I’d like to kiss you, is that alright with you?”

Oh. You were caught off guard by the abruptness of his question. Suddenly shy, all you could do was give a small nod and bite your lip in anticipation. His full lips were soft and almost as warm as his hands, which were holding you in an embrace. One of your hands had made their way to his hair and one on the outside of his lower thigh. You sighed as you kissed him back.

It was soft but insistent, things became a little more passionate as you swiped your tongue into his mouth and you both let out a small moan. You didn’t want to stop kissing Bucky, it just felt right.

He finally broke the kiss as one of his hands still rested at the nape of your neck. You were breathless, this man had kissed the daylights out of you. If he could do that with his tongue imagine what else he could do with it. You were both panting softly, sorting through what to make of things and where to go from here.

“I don’t know about you, but I wanna keep doing that, but this might not be the best place for it. You can say no if you want to, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but I’d love to take you home and treat you right” He said with unwavering eye contact.

Well how on Earth could I say no to that even if I wanted to? Wait doesn’t he live in Brooklyn?

“Let’s go back to mine, probably closer” You said. He nodded in agreement and sent a text to his driver to come pick you both up.

10:40 PM

You did indeed find out what else that tongue of his could do, you were finding out right now. He had made you cum once from his tongue alone already but he added to thick fingers and started pumping them into you, making a scissoring motion that hit you just right. You arched your back and pushed his face in deeper as you cried out, signaling your second orgasm.

Completely drunk in the afterglow of it, you wanted to keep this feeling forever. You wanted to show him what you could do too. You got up albeit with a little shakiness and hovered over him. You kissed his neck and slid your hand down to meet his groin. He was still in his briefs and you pulled the elastic band down with ease.

His cock sprang free and you had to hide the slight surprise you felt looking at the sheer size of him. You were always told you were good in bed so time to really put yourself to the test. You kissed your way down to his pelvis and your hand started working him. Staring back up at him you maintained eye contact while you kissed the dab of pre-cum that pooled at the head of his dick.

He shuddered but you kept staring at him, and in what you have to say was a pretty proud moment for you, you held his gaze while you took him slowly and in one go. You closed your eyes and moaned, feeling him in the back of your throat.

“Shit, oh my god. Are you gonna…?” He was lost for words so you decided to answer him by getting to work. You started slowly, up and down, letting yourself get used to his size and reminding yourself to breathe through your nose and stay relaxed.

His moans were growing louder and his breathing heavier, you knew he was close and you were wondering if he was going to let you finish him. You got your answer when he pulled you off of him by the hair.

“As bad as I want you to finish what you started, I wanna feel you first.” He panted.

“So what’s stopping you?” You asked playfully. A small shriek escaped you as he flipped you under him. He lined himself up with your entrance and thrust in slowly. You could tell he was using a lot of restraint but that was quickly forgotten as you remembered how big he was. You suddenly appreciated the slow pace.

As he became fully sheathed inside of you you let out a loud moan that was quickly silenced by his lips on yours. A few more small thrusts and he was nearly fucking your cervix. You felt unbelievably full.

“Had no idea how talented that mouth was of yours, doll. Trying to make me cum without getting to fuck you though? Now that’s just cruel. I think you need to pay for that, don’t you?” He asked playfully as his thrusts became a little harder and forceful.

You could only nod and moan as he picked up his pace. Your hands clung to his shoulders for dear life and you whimpered and keened while he railed you into your mattress. Finally getting used to the feeling you reached down to play with your clit.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” He asked in between grunts.

Your eyes rounded and you shook your head.

“I wanna be the one to touch you. Make you cum. Only me.” He forced out as he replaced your fingers with his. He made tight, quick circles around your clit but didn’t let up on his pace as he fucked you closer and closer to a third orgasm.

“Your pussy’s making it fuckin’ impossible for me to hold out any longer, need you to cum, sweetheart. Cum all over my fuckin’ dick.” His words sent you right over the edge and you did as you were asked.

Not two seconds later he cried out and emptied himself inside of you, sending a few final pushes into you before taking himself out and dropping down on his side.

You leaned over and kissed him with what little breath you two had left. Your sweat mixed together but you didn’t mind.

His hands provided that comforting weight as he brought one to your shoulder and the other to your hip. He kissed the tip of your nose and watched you begin to drift off to sleep. He could probably use the rest himself and decided to close his eyes for a bit.

9:30 AM

You woke up in a half empty bed, but before you could let yourself be too disappointed you heard the sound of your shower turning off. You padded down to the bathroom and opened the door to find Bucky toweling off. He gave you a lopsided grin.

“Good mornin’, I would’ve asked you to join me but you looked so peaceful I didn’t wanna wake you.” He explained. “If you’re not sick of me, do you maybe wanna grab some breakfast?”

You shook your head and reached past him to turn the shower back on.

“No way. I make the best pancakes and as a thank you for everything last night, I insist on making some for you.” You smiled up at him, hopeful he’d agree.

“Well I hope you know what you’re up against, I’m a very insatiable man.” He joked back.

You hit him with a washcloth and laughed. “Oh believe me I know. Gimme 15 and I’ll be right out.”

He nodded and closed the door behind him. You let your mind wander back to last night as you washed off the sweat that lingered from the night before.

10:15 AM

You set down two plates stacked mile-high with pancakes and bacon. You held your coffee mug up to his and clinked against it.

“To chance encounters” You said with a smile.

#bucky barnes x reader #CEO!Bucky Barnes #ceo!bucky barnes x reader #modern AU #marvel fic #marvel x reader #fluff #little bit of angst

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lucy90712 · 3 years ago

Text

Sapnap- face cam

Wc- 1987

Warnings- none (I think) I've been up for almost 30 hours mainly because I was doing college homework all of last night and because my boyfriend Sapnap was streaming and being very loud which kept me up in the first place which was why I did my homework anyway. I love Sapnap to death but sometime he can be a little annoying but I put up with it.

Sapnap only got into bed at 4am and he's still asleep now at 11pm meanwhile since then I've finished a big essay, cleaned the apartment, done another essay and then made breakfast for myself which I'm eating now. I wish I could be this productive when I've had sleep but somehow it never works like that.

Eventually Sapnap came downstairs sauntering because he was still sleepy, some of us wish. He walked right over giving me a hug from behind as I washed some dishes and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Morning babe you alright?" He asked

"Yeah I'm good a little tired but I'll live" I replied

"Just to let you know I'll be streaming later" he said

He always tells me when he's streaming because his fans don't know about us and he doesn't want to accidentally reveal anything to protect me which is cute but it gets hard when he streams for hours on end and I need help with something. Sapnap is good about to it though if I really need help I either text him or message him on discord and he'll help but he sometimes doesn't read his messages.

I gave him some of what I made for breakfast and he sat down to eat it while I talked at him about college work that he pretends to care about. He's very supportive of all my college work and he'll let me get on with things if I have to but he will also talk about things with me if I want to. Thats one of the best things about Sapnap is his ability to adapt to how I'm feeling at any given moment and I like to think I'm at least ok at doing the same for him.

After breakfast Sapnap cleaned the rest of the dishes and let me take a shower which was nice and relaxing and woke me up a little bit as the cold water at the start hit my back, usually I would not be under the water as it warmed up but today I felt like I needed a shock to my system to get it going for another day. I had more homework and a lecture to do today so there was no chance for a nap until the evening when it's kind of pointless anyway.

After my shower I got dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt because it was comfy for sitting down all day in. Sapnap had got my laptop ready for me and had got me a glass for water which was sweet of him. My lecture was in about 2 minutes so I logged onto the class ready for it to start, when it did I put my headphones on so that Sapnap didn't have to listen to my teacher going on about whatever we were doing today, he always says he doesn't care but even I don't want to listen to it sometimes so there is no way he does.

As I tapped away making notes Sapnap put his hand on my knee rubbing his thumb in circles comfortingly. He does this all the time whether its sat on the sofa like right now or while we're driving somewhere but its safe to say that I love it, it lets me know he's there in a weird way it's like he's acknowledging my presence. At one point he got up and went to the kitchen and when he came back he had my favourite snack which he put between us so that we could share. What a lovely boyfriend he's being today, I'm starting to wonder what he thinks he's done that's he's trying to make up for.

My lecture finally finished after what seemed like and age so I went to get straight on with my last essay that needed submitting by the end of the month but Sapnap shut my laptop before I could get the document open, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and towards the door.

"Come on were going out for a walk" he said

"Why, I have an essay to work on" I whined

"You'll never leave the house if I don't drag you out so come on" he said handing me my shoes

I put them on and grabbed a jacket because according to the weather it was meant to be a little bit chilly out today, Sapnap grabbed the house keys and pushed me out the door onto the street. We don't often go out on walks because neither of us like leaving the house that much if we were to go out it would most likely be in the car to just go for a drive.

The two of us walked down the street holding hands and swinging them back and forth as we took steps forwards. Sapnap clearly had a good idea of where he wanted to go because he was making turns all over the place. Eventually we ended up at the target not that far from our place and we went in looking at everything like you do in target and we topped up on some snacks for a movie night soon.

We left with our snacks and Sapnap dragged me to the nearest park so we could sit outside and get a bit more fresh air. The nearest park is actually the one that we went to on one of our first dates so we have good memories there, on one of the benches by the duck pond is where we had our first kiss and many more after that.

I always love going back to that park with Sapnap because each time we reminisce on the past and talk about the future which seems to change each time we come here. We walked to the exact bench that we had our first kiss on and sat down looking at the scenery. It had changed quite a bit since the first time we were here, there used to be a little play park for kids in the distance but now thats gone and is replaced with a small flower garden instead.

The first time we came here and we talked about the future all we wanted was to still be together after we left for college which of course happened, then the next time we wanted to move in together which we did and now. I'm not really sure what the future holds for us but I'm sure it will be interesting.

"Wow its been so long since we came here we have changed so much and achieved everything that we wanted to" he said

"I know its so weird to think that our last goal was to move in together and now we have been living together for 5 months where do you think we will end up in the future?" I asked

"On man I have no idea but I would love to still be living together and maybe in a bigger place and maybe even be engaged" he said

This shocked me I never expected him to say that but I guess that is the next logical step for us to take in our relationship.

"I like the sound of that" I said

We went back home and Sapnap went to stream while I worked on my essay he didn't tell me how long he was going to stream for but it will probably be about 3 hours. So I sat down and got on with writing the last 15 pages of my essay which would probably take me the entire time he was streaming maybe longer.

My essay took me almost exactly 4 hours to do but when I tried to submit it it wouldn't upload which happens from time to time. I looked at the upload speed of the WiFi since Sapnap taught me how to do it and it was fine but I assumed that it was being used for something else. This problem has happened before when Sapnap is uploading a video so I assumed that was the issue.

It got up and walked to Sapnap’s streaming room waiting outside for a moment to double check that he wasn't still streaming, I waited a couple minutes and heard nothing so I knocked and went in.

As soon as I went in I saw that Sapnap was still streaming and his face cam was on which meant that I was now on his stream in front of however many people. I've never made such a stupid mistake especially one that outs my entire relationship, I just stood in shock not being able to move and get out of the shot. Sapnap had the exact same reaction his face was filled with shock and fear at the same time.

Nothing prepares you for the moment that you expose yourself live in front of probably 100,000 people or more who will record anything that happens. Nothing prepares you for the chaos that will ensue when you do the before mentioned thing and definitely nothing prepares you for the guilt you feel doing so.

"Um hi y/n" He said trying to make things less awkward

"Hey" I replied shyly

He motioned for me to come over because there was no point trying to hide this anymore since no one will believe anything we say now. I stood next to Sapnap luckily being short enough that I still fit in frame but he had obviously given up caring at this point because he pulled me down into his lap to sit while we talked to his chat. Again he did the thing where he rubs his thumb in a circle on my leg and this time it really was for comfort.

"Well chat this is y/n and shes my... girlfriend" he said

"Hi everyone" I said shyly

"Now chat I'm going to need you to be nice to her or I'll be angry because she is very precious to me" he said

His chat were going insane telling others to clip this and people getting way to excited about all of this and some were asking questions. The whole chat was going so incredibly fast that it was hard to read all the messages.

We answered some of the basic questions like how long we have been together and other things, people also asked if George and Dream knew which of course they did and they have made jokes about Sapnap having a girlfriend but no one ever took it too seriously. At one point dream joined the call and started mocking us for being stupid and exposing ourselves and he told some stories that he knew we wouldn't mind him saying which the chat enjoyed.

I started yawning more and more as I stayed on the stream because I wasn't keeping my mind busy my tiredness was taking over. I leant back into Sapnap to rest my head on his shoulder, he out his hand on my head running it through my hair which is very relaxing.

"Are you tired?" He asked

"No I'm fine I can stay awake" I said

"I don't want to hear it I know you've been awake for over 24 hours so you are going to sleep" he almost demanded

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable position where I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost right away forgetting that Sapnap was still streaming but it doesn't matter.

#sapnap #sapnap x reader #dsmp #mcyt #dreamteam #dream team

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wearebothdrunk · 4 years ago

Note

hey!! Can you do a pillow talk fic with sebastian stan?

yes, of course!

Pillow talk

pairing: Sebastian Stan x fem!reader

word counting: 1712

Warnings: Smut; some fluff

Summary: Some pillow talk with you and sebastian

A/N: Thank you sm for the request! i loved the idea. i had to add some other things because i´m not creative enough to write a lot of pillow talk lmao. But hope you liked anyway. Also, this is the first time i write smut so i´m sorry if this is to awkward.

disclamer: If the Romanian quote it´s misspelled, please send me a message i took it from google translator.

Tag: @dpr-hoe

* gif not mine*

You and Sebastian were at the Marvel Studios all day because he had to do a lot of photoshoots for the new series "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier", in which your boyfriend was the protagonist.

You loved to be able to be with Sebastian in his work, but after 3 hours you were super tired.

"If you want, you can go home. Take the keys, I'll take an Uber," he said, grabbing your face, giving you a kiss on the forehead and handing you the keys.

" I appreciate your concern, but I think I can handle another hour and go with you," you told him handing him back the keys.

"Okay love, but at least go get something to eat"

"Okay dad" you mocked him.

When he was going to tell you something, you got interrupted by his manager. "I hate to interrupt, but they need you Sebastian for one last shot." His face dropped.

"You need to go," you said trying to give him motivation.

"Okay," he said in a sad voice.

He gave you one last kiss and left for the session.

Sebastian was always very worried about you when you went to one of his sessions or interviews because they left him exhausted, so he didn't want you to feel the same way he did.

You decided to go and buy his favorite dessert to cheer him up, tiramisu. ( i searched that lmao)

you went to a store that you knew nearby to buy some.

By the time you got back, Sebastian was being photographed wearing Bucky's suit and the Cap's shield. He looked damn hot.

"Okay guys, let's take a quick break"

Sebastian ran to you.

"You disappeared for a moment. Is everything okay?" he said giving you a soft kiss on your lips.

"Yeah, I just went to get some food like you told me to."

" oh okay. Two more pictures and I´m all yours," he said smiling and kissing you again.

"I bought your favorite! "

He looked at you confused until you showed him a bag with a box of Tiramisu.

"TIRAMISU" he shouted laughing " this honestly made my day. thank you babe!" he said putting his two hands behind your neck and kissing you passionately.

"I think I have to buy you some more tiramisu han," you said giggling

"Aren't you going to eat now?" you asked him as he put the tiramisu back in the bag.

"I prefer to eat it on you" he whispered

It took you a moment to realize. "Wait... What?" you said

"I have to go, two more pictures."

You smiled. Did Sebastian Stan just said what you think he said?!

* 30 minutes later*

"I'm ready. let's go home".

*when you arrived home*

As you passed your door´s house, you were pulled into Sebastian's arms, leaving a small, almost non-existent, space between your lips and his. You giggled and he kissed you deeply. You both took off your shoes. He began to remove your clothes, starting with your jacket, leaving it on the floor, which you both stepped over. You made all of this without taking your lips from each other. As more you went up the stairs, the more undressed you became. You both arrived in the bedroom with only your underwear on.

"Where's the tiramisu?" he said in between the kiss.

"Why do you need the tiramisu?" you said pretending not to know.

you pulled him back in for another kiss. He pushed the kiss away making you moan.

"Y/n, the tiramisu?" he said impatiently

"downstairs" you mumbled

He pushed you, softly, onto the bed, making you be lying down.

"Wait here," he said in the middle of the kiss and got up.

" don't be long"

Seconds later he was already in the room again with the bag of tiramisu. He set it down on the bed and went straight to you for another kiss.

"God I missed you," you said

"I was only gone a few seconds," he said giggling

" Yeah, but for someone that is horny, that feels like hours" you pulled him in for another kiss.

He began to remove your panties and bra leaving only your necklace on. You began to put your fingers under his boxers to pull them off for good.

"I want to fuck you so bad y/n" he whispered.

"Then fuck me," you said.

He began to run his lips all over your body, making you moan.

When he got close to your sensitive area, you could feel his breath. You put your hands tangled in his hair preparing yourself for what was coming, but to your surprise, he stopped.

"What? Really," you said in frustration.

" calm down babe. I'm not done yet."

You saw him grab the bag with the tiramisu you bought him.

" Really?" you said

He started to take the lid off and put a spoon inside taking a little bit to taste.

"This is really good y/n," he said with a pleased look on his face.

He started to lean towards you.

" do you want to taste it?" he asked you with a smirk

" okay"

he put a small piece of the dessert in your mouth getting you all dirty.

"Oh sorry, let me clean it up" he leaned in for a kiss and created a sensation that you never felt before.

you giggled.

"It tastes so much better on you babe," he said

he started to take some more, getting ready to put it in your belly and the rest of your body.

"Do you want it?" he asked to make sure you were comfortable.

You looked at him without answering. You could feel your heart beating and were sure that he could hear it too.

"That's okay babe, we can just save it for the movie"

you grabbed his hand. "no, I want Seb" you said.

"Are you sure?" he asked again

" yes"

As he heard those words coming from your mouth, he continued what he was doing before.

As soon as you felt the dessert touch your belly you let out a little moan.

" it's cold," you said giggling

He put it in all the pleasured places of your body. When it finally got close to your core you started to moan louder.

" Seb..." you said as you felt his lips sucking the mess he has done on you.

" God, I love you sm," he said in between your moans.

When he was ready, he posed the tiramisu on the bedside table, kissing you again.

" You are so beautiful" he whispered.

he started giving you kisses on the neck, driving you insane.

"I want you, Seb"

"I want you more" he whispered putting his cock inside of you.

you both moan.

As he moved in and out of you, your breaths became heavier.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," he said after a few minutes

"God Seb, I'm gonna come too"

he started to go deeper and faster, making you come first

" oh god, you´re beautiful baby" he let out in his moans.

You started to moan louder when he finally came.

"Fuck!" he shouted as he lay down on your side.

You put your head on his shoulder and one of your legs on top of his.

"That was good," you said, looking up into his eyes.

He smiled, " yeah, it was a very good baby," he said pulling your hair away from your face.

"Why were you so nervous when I asked you to do... you know what," he asked you

" Oh, it was nothing," you said, clearly lying to him.

"Babe, the truth please. you can feel free to talk to me about that kind of stuff. You are my pattern, I don't want to put you in uncomfortable situations. "

"You didn't put me in an uncomfortable situation. I liked it, a lot." you giggled and he smiled. "But I was just afraid I wasn't up to your expectations in sex, you know? You're the first person I've ever had a real relationship with. Before you, I only had a one-night stand, which I regret. "

"Babe, you're always higher than my expectations. sex is not what I most like about being with you, although it is great. I asked you if you wanted to do it because I feel we have that intimacy. I've never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with you," he said.

You smiled and held him tighter.

You started talking and talking about everything and nothing. You felt comfortable with each other after all your feeling for him was unique.

"Say something in Romanian," you asked him

"what do you want me to say"

"I don't know, something"

" hmm, vreau să am o familie cu tine" he said smiling at you.

" That was hot," you said and he laughed.

" I'm sure that's a stupid or dirty sentence by your reaction," you said smiling.

" I said I want to have a family with you,"

You were speechless, did he really felt that way?

"and I mean it" he added. "But I don't want to pressure you or anything, let's do it when you feel read-."

he was interrupted with your lips pressed against his. "Let's do it." you said

He looked at you and you could see his eyes sparkling with happiness.

"are you, are you sure, I mean-"

"yes, that's all I want with you"

he got on top of you and you giggled. " I love you y/n"

"I love you too Sebastian Stan" and then he kissed you again.

" you could teach him Romanian," you said

" him?" he giggled.

" yes!!"

" no, first a girl and then a boy," he said smiling at you.

" Two kids?" you asked him

" well, yes, a boy and a girl, but if you don't want-"

" Two boys and one girl," you told him

" hell no," he said laughing

You spent the whole night arguing and laughing about your future making you both realize that this was all you wanted for life.

( they had two boys and one girl haha)

if you want to repost my story, send me a message first.

#Sebastian stan imagine #Sebastian stan #Sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fluff #Sebastian stan imagines #Bucky Barnes imagines #Bucky Barnes

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bobohu4eva · 4 years ago

Text

Pink Lace - Chapter 9 (M)

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader (feat. EXO members)

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @strawbaeri-s @xiuweetbbh

Masterlist

Saturday had finally arrived. It was 6am when you woke up, but you were far too excited to go back to sleep. You tossed and turned for a little while, trying to convince your body to give you a few more minutes of rest just so you wouldn’t get tired early but it was no use. The last time you’d felt like this was when you were a kid and there was a big class field trip coming up, or on Christmas morning. That sense of child-like excitement was something you didn’t even realize you’d missed so much. As an adult waking up in the mornings was almost always shitty, but today you were so excited the idea of sleep didn’t even sound appealing anymore. God. Maybe you were just as whipped as him.

After giving in to your excitement you got up, and started making breakfast. You were worried that you’d be tired or groggy on the date so you made sure to add an extra shot of espresso to your morning latte. Falling asleep hadn’t been easy either. You kept thinking about all the different possibilities of where he might take you, and you had been especially distracted by Baekhyun’s promise of what would come after.

You had put a great deal of effort into looking nice for the club last week, but this week you didn’t even know where to start. Getting ready for a real date was very different than getting ready for the club. At the club you could cover yourself in glitter and body oil and do the most extra makeup looks one could imagine, and there wasn’t much to the outfits anyway. But what the hell were you supposed to do for a date where all you knew was that it was outside? You wanted to put in effort still, of course, but doing too much might be weird if it’s more of a casual thing. But Baekhyun wouldn’t just do something casual right? It would be something fancy for sure. But then what were you supposed to wear that was relatively fancy but worked for being outdoors?

You still wanted to be able to be comfortable so after some time and careful deliberation, you decided on a sundress and simple makeup. The sundress also had the advantage of allowing you to forego wearing a bra, and it was remarkably easy to remove. You had a feeling Baekhyun would appreciate that later on.

As the morning went on you tried your best to keep your mind occupied and prolong the process of getting ready in order to leave as little time as possible to get anxious, you knew as soon as you would get bored the nervousness would start. So you kept yourself busy.

3:00pm drew closer and closer and despite your best efforts you felt yourself becoming restless. You internally cursed Mia for being busy all day so she wouldn’t be there to help you not freak out.

Unfortunately you were ready by 2:00, leaving you an entire hour to mull over your thoughts as they made you more and more antsy.

After an hour of pacing around the house and checking your hair and makeup way too many times, you finally heard a knock on the door. You basically sprinted across the house at the sound.

To your relief Baekhyun wasn’t dressed very fancy, just a white short sleeved button down tucked into black shorts. But oh did the sight of him still make your heart flutter. His hair was perfectly styled and he just looked so good.

“Hi, you look beautiful,” He said as his eyes traveled up and down your body. “You ready to go?” You responded with a nod and threw your arms around him for a hug, which he happily returned. “Come on then.”

As you approached his Audi he opened the door for you to get in, and it somehow looked even fancier than you had remembered, although you had been slightly drunk when you’d last been in his car.

You stayed quiet, and Baekhyun put on some music as he pulled out and started driving. After a few minutes you heard him softly singing along, and you wondered why he didn’t tell you sooner that he could sing so well.

“You have a really nice voice.” You spoke softly, and he turned to look at you briefly.

“You think so? I was in a band in high school, and I think I was pretty good but I never kept up with it, although I do still like singing.”

“You should do it more if you like it, or you can at least sing to me anytime.”

He shot you a smile and continued singing along to the music, but now with more confidence.

Everything about him just seemed to get more and more perfect. No man had ever impressed you this much, had made you feel this lucky and special. It made you even more scared that you would do or say something that would mess everything up.

“Nervous?” He asked, noticing how quiet you were being.

“Yeah, I just, I don’t know. I don’t wanna make things weird and mess everything up.”

He placed a hand on your thigh, and once the car was stopped at a light his eyes met yours. “Don’t be, I promise there’s nothing you can do that will make today any less magical, the fact that I’m getting to take you out at all is enough for me.”

The warmth in the way he looked at you then helped melt away some of your worries. He was right of course, you knew he liked you too much for you to really be able to mess this up, but the mystery of where he was taking you made you worry nonetheless.

For about another 30 minutes Baekhyun drove the two of you further and further out of the city, until eventually he parked at the bottom of a large hill, seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

‘Um, Baekhyun, where are we? You’re not about to murder me are you?”

“No” he chucked, “definitely not, just follow me.”

He took your hand and started walking you up the hill until you were about halfway up and you could almost see to the other side.

“I need you to close your eyes.”

You did as you were told, and he kept guiding you by your hand as you blindly followed. Your heart rate had gone up significantly, still not having any clue what he had in store for you. Especially now that you were out here seemingly with nothing and nobody else around.

A few shaky steps later he told you to open your eyes, and with your heartbeat loudly thumping in your ears, you finally did.

What you saw had not been what you were expecting at all, though you hadn’t had a clue what to expect in the first place.

On the other side of the hill was an enormous balloon that was slowly being inflated.

He was taking you on a hot air balloon.

You could feel his eyes on you, waiting for some sort of reaction, but all you could do was stare in awe at the giant colorful mass in front of you. In your mind you started to think about how the hell he even pulled this off, how he even had the resources for something so extra, and for a first date. The longer you looked the more you felt the guilt start to set in. He had probably spent a ridiculous amount of time and money setting this up, and you had pestered him about the secret like some ungrateful child. Eventually the whole situation had tears brimming in your eyes from pure disbelief.

Baekhyun quickly took notice and pulled you forwards to face him.

“What’s wrong? Do you not like it? We can leave and do something else if-”

You grabbed his face and cut him off with a kiss, as you felt a tear escape.

“You’re fucking insane. I can’t believe this is what you were planning, how the hell did you even get a hot air balloon?” You said as you wiped away another tear, but the smile that had made its way onto your face let Baekhyun let out a sigh of relief.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal, really. Jongdae, I don’t know if you remember him from the club, but he’s got all kinds of connections and he did this for him and his wife last year so I got him to help me out.”

You still just shook your head in disbelief. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you,” he grinned, “now come on.”

He grabbed your hand again and started pulling you towards the balloon again, which was now almost upright. As you got closer you noticed the picnic set and bottle of champagne that were sitting on a small table in the center of the basket, with a bench on either side for each of you to sit on.

The man who was operating the balloon gave the two of you a quick safety briefing before you stepped into the basket and he closed the small door behind you.

After a few moments you felt yourself lift off, and slowly the balloon lifted the two of you up towards the clouds.

“Um, Baekhyun?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“What if I’m afraid of heights.”

“I’m right here,” He grabbed your hand between his own, “You know I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I’ve also been told it’s not so bad as long as you don’t look down.”

Luckily when you were seated you could only see the view off in the distance, so it wasn’t too frightening. As the balloon ascended further and further you started to realize how beautiful it was. The scenery from this angle was breathtaking and this high up in the sky there was a pleasant cool breeze as well.

You were torn out of your train of thought when you saw Baekhyun grab the bottle of champagne along with two glasses. He popped the cork out, which went flying out of the confines of the basket, plummeting down to earth.

“Oops.”

You giggled and he poured both of you a glass before reaching for the picnic basket. He pulled out two black boxes, and he opened yours and set it down in front of you revealing one of the most beautiful arrangements of sushi you’d ever seen.

“God you are unreal.” You breathed out as you examined the meal in front of you more closely.

“You like it?”

“Yes, of course, I love it. I love all this, I- I don’t even know what to say. Nobody’s ever done something like this for me before.”

“As long as you’re enjoying yourself.” He grinned back at you. "I wanted to do something that was different, something that you would hopefully be able to look back at later as a nice memory for us to share together. I know this technically is our first date but we’ve known each other a while so it really didn’t feel that way to me.”

The way he treated you, spoke to you, touched you, still seemed too good to be true. The question used to plague you, but now you wanted to know more out of the selfish need for validation more than anything else.

“Baekhyun, why do you like me so much? You’re around pretty girls all the time, why me?”

He let out a small breathy laugh, took a drink of his champagne and met your gaze. “You make me feel like a kid again.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I first saw you that night at your work, I remember thinking you were so sexy, so beautiful, so way out of my league, talking to you made me feel like a silly teenager with a crush on a girl who wouldn’t show him the light of day anyway. I hadn’t felt like that in almost a decade, but just in that one night you made me feel it again. That’s why I knew I had to come back, too. The more I talked to you the more I felt we actually had a connection too, although I didn’t think it was really real, I thought you were just good at talking to me, but it made me feel so good I didn’t really care. I never thought you’d end up actually liking me this much. Two weeks ago at the club when you were drunk and started to get more touchy with me I thought I was going insane, I couldn’t believe that you might actually be attracted to me like that. I’m 30 now and I spent basically all of my 20′s trying to please other people and make those around me happy, even if it meant I had to settle. I would let coworkers or my family set me up with people who seemed, I don’t know, proper. But it was never fun or exciting, always just one boring dinner date after the next, with people I felt nothing for. I regret it a lot now, but I’m so thankful I got to meet you, cause I feel like now thanks to you I can finally experience those parts of my youth that I missed out on.”

You were speechless. Your mind was in overdrive, trying to find some words that would live up to what he had said, to properly express what you were feeling, but they just didn’t exist. He stared at you as you stared back, desperately trying to get something to come out of your mouth but it felt impossible.

“Sorry, I know that was a lot at once, but I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now. Meeting you is the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time.”

His words had you flustered and cheeks tinted pink. “Meeting you is the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time too. Maybe ever.”

Baekhyun felt like his heart was about to burst. “When did you realize you liked me as more than just a customer?”

You had thought about this a lot, trying to decipher when in your own mind you had come to the realization, because you had fought it so vehemently.

“When I let you touch me. I never allowed anyone to do that before you, and I wouldn’t admit it to myself until later but it was that night.”

“Why were you scared to admit it to yourself?”

“I think I was still worried about letting you into my life, since I never do that with people from work. I don’t even hang out with the other girls there, I want to keep that part of my life separate. And once you were my professor I was even more scared because I knew in the back of my mind that I did like you but now there was even more to worry about because I didn’t want to get you in trouble. That still worries me a lot.”

“You don’t need to worry about that, I know what I’m getting myself into and I know the risks. I wouldn’t be serious about this if I wasn’t willing to take that risk. But I think things will end up fine. As long as nobody finds out while you’re my student, nothing can happen. We just have to be a bit careful. That’s actually another reason I chose this for the date, I didn’t want to risk somebody seeing us, as much as I would love to be able to show you off.”

“This is perfect, really. I can’t think of anything more magical.” You said as you took a bite of your sushi and looked around at the view surrounding you. “I’m definitely going to remember this for a long time.”

The date went on and the two of you laughed together while enjoying the view, the food, and the champagne. It really was magical, you felt like you were in your own little fairytale world up in the sky with him, you were convinced nothing could beat this feeling. The way Baekhyun spoke to you always made you feel so comfortable and he could make you laugh so easily. Whenever the two of you were together, things just felt right.

Eventually you finished your meals, and it was time to make your way back down to earth. As you watched the slow descent you started to think about what was coming next. The thoughts had plagued you the night before as well. You were getting closer and closer to Baekhyun finally having you, and now it was almost time.

You worried that you might disappoint him. Men tended to think that strippers were always the most wild, the most experienced in bed, but you were still quite shy and inexperienced. At your job you could easily fake confidence to strangers, but actually having sex with someone you cared for wasn’t something you’d done often. The thought made your palms sweat in anticipation as you and Baekhyun finally landed and got back to his car.

“Where do you want me to take you?” He was making sure you still wanted this, still wanted him.

“Take me home with you.”

He only nodded, and pulled out to get the both of you on your way.

The car ride back was silent. You could feel the tension hanging thick in the air, both of you had your minds on what was coming next. He placed his hand back on your thigh, but this time higher up, slightly pushing up the fabric of your sundress. The action alone was enough to make your breath uneven, and with the deafening silence surrounding you, you knew he noticed.

By the time he was pulling up to his place, your heart was hammering in your chest and you felt warm all over.

He stepped out of the car and came to your door to open it for you. When he extended a hand for you to hold as you stepped out your eyes met his. The look on his face was blank; completely unreadable. You wondered if he was feeling just as anxious as you, if he was just hiding it better. You knew with the way you looked up at him in that moment that he could see right through you, that he could see all the tension and desire that had been building within you clearly on your face.

Your thoughts were confirmed when a small smirk formed on his lips and he was soon pulling you through the entry way and into his home.

His house was beautiful. It wasn’t anything extremely flashy, though it felt comfortable and so much like him. The walls were lined with bookshelves, he had a large leather couch in his living room along with a marble coffee table, and everything was perfectly clean and well kept. It felt elegant and high-class but not in a way that was intimidating, it felt homely.

As lovely as it was, you were far more focused on the man occupying it now. Once you’d had a chance to take off your shoes and look around for a bit you felt Baekhyun’s hand on yours once again as he pulled you into his chest. He gazed down at you and you could see it in his eyes this time. Both of you had been waiting for this moment, him even longer than you. You saw the want, the lust, and you felt it as well. When you felt his lips finally press against your own, you knew there was no going back.

The kiss started slow, but you could tell he was holding back. His hands shook slightly as they made contact with your waist to pull you against him tighter, and you felt how his heart was racing when you placed a hand onto his chest. It was you who deepened the kiss, letting it become more and more lust driven as the both of you let yourselves give in to the feeling. His hands started to wander across your body. First they went down to your ass, giving it a squeeze before traveling upwards to grope your chest.

“Fuck, are you not wearing a bra?” He breathed out between kisses as he felt a nipple harden under his touch.

“Undress me and find out.”

Baekhyun didn’t respond, instead you felt his hands on the backs of your thighs, prompting you to jump, so you did, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist.

You were surprised how easily he lifted you up and carried you into his bedroom. The whole time you clung on to him, leaving kisses on his neck as he walked you through the house.

When you entered his bedroom he sat down on the edge of his bed with you on his lap and continued to kiss you, now moving his way down to your neck. The marks he had left on you before had faded through time, and he missed the sight of them. Something about seeing marks on you, knowing he was the one who left them there, drove him crazy. Although he wasn’t able to go show you off publicly, he was still able to claim you as his own that way. His self control was quickly leaving him as he once again started to suck and bite at the smooth skin, leaving splotches of purple in his wake.

He pulled away and lifted you off his lap making you whine at first, but once you were standing before him between his parted legs his hands found the hem of your dress, and your heart rate picked up even more. He lifted the fabric slowly, and you allowed him to pull it all the way over your head before being discarded on his bedroom floor, leaving you standing in nothing but your lacy underwear.

Despite the fact that Baekhyun had seen you like this more times than you could count, you felt the need to cover yourself, crossing your arms over your chest. This felt so different from the club. Being naked there just felt natural, normal to you, it was the whole point of your job, and you didn’t care what the men there thought of you. But here and now, with nobody but you and Baekhyun and his eyes running up and down your body intently, you were shaking.

When he noticed you try and cover yourself, he quickly grabbed your arm and moved it aside. “Am I making you nervous? You don’t have to be so tense, you know how beautiful I think you are.” You felt your cheeks start to tingle as he grabbed you and laid you on his bed before instructing you to lay on your stomach. “Let me help you relax.”

His expert hands started to work the muscles in your back, and you realized he was right, you had been extremely tense. After a few seconds you let your eyes flutter closed and melted into the feeling of his hands massaging you. Your breathing and heart rate slowed down and you were overwhelmed with bliss as your muscles relaxed under his touches. Your arousal combined with the feeling made you feel high, and you couldn’t help but let out soft moans whenever he would work on a particularly stiff area.

Baekhyun felt like he was going insane. Your skin felt so soft and smooth beneath his palms as he caressed you, and the sounds you let out made him twitch beneath his shorts. You looked exquisite like this, bare aside from the barely-there lace thong and your backside on full display. He leaned down to kiss your neck, leaving you shuddering at the sensation of his breath on your ear. “Can I touch you?” he whispered, and all you could do was nod, your mind too foggy with lust to form real words.

His hand made its way down to your ass, touching you so close to where you wanted him, but not quite. “Let me hear you.”

You took a deep breath, and forced out the words, “Yes, Baekhyun, please.”

You felt him smile against the skin of your neck as he kept showering it with kisses, and his hand finally moved between your legs to where you needed him most. He made you gasp as he slowly began rubbing your clit through the thin lace of your underwear. “Turn around for me princess.”

Once you were facing him, and your eyes met, your arousal was amplified even further. He was laying on top of you now between your spread legs, and you felt annoyed at how much he was still wearing.

The first thing to go was his shirt, as you impatiently fumbled with the buttons before pulling it off of him completely. You knew that he was in pretty good shape but you still weren’t prepared when you finally saw him bare, and you knew that he saw how you stared by the pleased smirk on his face.

Next he moved off of you to remove his pants, leaving him in only his briefs. He soon moved back over you and resumed the motions of his hands between your legs, making you whine. He pulled you into a kiss so heart shattering you could feel yourself shaking with desire as he continued his ministrations. He was smothering you, pressed against you completely but you still wrapped your arms around his back in an effort to bring him even closer.

His kisses started to make their way down your jaw and towards your neck, and then slowly to your chest. He took one sensitive bud between his lips and your back arched off his mattress and your hands found his soft hair. He used his fingers to tease the other side as well, enjoying the feeling of your hands running through his hair and the soft sounds falling from your lips.

As much as Baekhyun had been looking forward to this, he still wanted to hear you beg for him, even if that meant having to be patient. Luckily, however, you were just as impatient as he was.

“I n-need more, please.” You gasped, the sensation of his hand on your pussy and his lips on your breasts edging you on without giving you the relief you craved.

“Say it again for me.”

“Baekhyun, please.”

“Mmmh,” he smiled down at you, “good girl.”

His kisses moved down to your ribcage and stomach, leaving marks on the way until he was hooking his fingers into the waistband or your underwear and dragging them down your legs. He soon positioned himself between your thighs, and you felt hyper aware of his eyes on the last part of you he’d had yet to see.

Instead of giving you what you wanted, Baekhyun started to kiss your inner thighs, leaving marks there as well, slowly creeping closer and closer to your waiting pussy. The feeling of him sucking and biting on the skin so close to where you wanted him was maddening. You let out another impatient whine, and finally, you felt his lips press against your clit. He was still taking his time, leaving soft kisses at first, but eventually he let his tongue lick a stripe all the way up your folds, making you shudder. You knew you wouldn’t last long with how tightly wound up you already were. When he started to quicken his motions, licking and sucking at your most sensitive spot, you started to crumble. Your hands abandoned his hair, instead opting to grab at the pillow behind you, out of fear that you might yank his hair out otherwise. A lewd moan slipped out from between your lips as your back arched and you started to move your hips against his face, prompting him to push you down to keep you in place. The feeling was overwhelming your senses and the only thoughts left in your mind were of his lips and tongue on you as you chased your high.

When you felt one of his slender fingers enter you, you knew you were gone. Only a few pumps later you felt the damn break and you moaned his name unabashedly and the pleasure flooded your body. Your vision went white and you felt yourself twitch against him as he kept licking and kissing you through your climax. Eventually he pulled away, and you went limp, closing your eyes and relaxing into the post-orgasmic haze.

“Don’t fall asleep sweetheart, I’m not done with you yet.”

A few moments later he was on top of you again, kissing you, only this time you could feel his hard member against you separated only by the fabric of his briefs. You reached down to try to pull the fabric away, but he stopped you before you could have any success. “So impatient.” He whispered before taking your hands and lacing them between his own and pinning them to the bed on either side of you as he continued to cover your face and neck with deep heated kisses.

You couldn’t stop whining and squirming beneath him, trying to get some sort of relief, but Baekhyun wouldn’t do anything until you asked for it. “What do you want baby?” He breathed in your ear and placed more kisses on the sensitive spot on the side of your neck, sending jolts of pleasure down your spine.

“I-I want you.”

“You want me to what?”

“I want you to fuck me, p-please.”

Baekhyun ginned and leaned back to admire you, relishing the way you were panting for him, chest heaving up and down, cheeks flushed. “So beautiful.”

He got up to remove his last remaining piece of clothing before finding his way back between your spread legs. One hand moved downwards and you felt two fingers enter you, testing your readiness. You moaned out at the intrusion, but just as quickly as they entered you his fingers left you as well. “So wet for me.” You heard him mutter.

When you finally felt his tip press against your folds you threw your head back and wrapped your legs around his waist in an effort to pull him further into you, but to no avail.

“Y/n, look at me.” He said as one of his hands cupped your face and you opened your eyes, immediately meeting his. “You ready?”

You nodded frantically and felt him position himself. The anticipation was killing you, but finally he brought his face down to yours to press a kiss to your lips as he sunk himself into you. He was larger than you had expected, making you gasp against his lips as he stretched you out. Once his length was fully inside you he waited for a moment to let you adjust, despite the urge to just let go and fuck you senseless. You opened your eyes and saw his squeezed shut, jaw clenched as he held himself back. Baekhyun had wanted this for so long, had waited for months and now that he finally had you underneath and around him, it felt too good to be true.

When he felt your hips shift to take him even deeper, he took it as a sign to start moving. He pulled out almost completely before sinking himself back into you, starting a slow and steady pace that had you whimpering and clutching at his shoulders, trying to bring him impossibly closer.

He continued to kiss you as he slowly fucked you, and you couldn’t help but think how sweet and romantic it still felt. As cheesy as it sounds, he wasn’t just fucking you, you felt like he was truly making love to you. You let your body melt into his movements, rolling your body up against his to push him even deeper inside of you with every thrust.

His lips traveled from yours down to your ear, “So, so, perfect, such a good girl for me.”

His words sent shockwaves down your spine and through your limbs, exciting you even further as you lost yourself to his expert thrusts. Your mind was blank, unable to form any coherent thoughts aside from how good he was making you feel. Every time he sank back into you you could feel him hit that special spot that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your toes curling.

You were enjoying his slow, calculated, movements, but the knot in the pit of your stomach was building and you knew you’d need more to be pushed over the edge.

“F-faster.” You breathed out in desperation.

Instead of giving you what you wanted Baekhyun stopped his movements completely, leaning up to look you in the eyes. “What was that sweetheart?”

“Faster, Baekhyun please.”

He smirked at your plea, “Since you asked so nicely.”

He resumed his motions, this time picking up the pace while one hand moved to knead and pinch at the sensitive skin of your breasts.

Your legs had wrapped themselves tightly around his waist and your hands were gripping onto his back so tightly it would probably leave marks. The sensation was completely overwhelming, and you were reduced to a whining, moaning mess beneath him as you felt your high getting close again. With him drilling in and out of you at a faster pace, and the ministrations of his hands on your chest, you knew the pressure would soon snap.

“Are you gonna cum for me baby?” He could tell by how tightly you were clenching around him, you were close.

All you could do was nod and let out a series of lewd noises, and the hand on your chest moved down to your clit. “Let go, let me feel you.”

A few seconds later you felt the pressure release, waves of euphoria flooding your body sending jolts of electricity through your limbs, making you twitch uncontrollably as he kept thrusting into you. You clamped down on him so tightly you heard him let out a pained grunt as he chased his high as well, losing control as his movements got less consistent.

“Fuck, no condom.”

You felt him start to pull out but locked your legs around him before he could do so, “I’m on the pill, please don’t stop.”

He let out a guttural moan and a few thrusts later he was emptying himself inside you, pressing his lips to yours once again, this time with so much force you felt yourself being pushed further into the mattress.

Once you had both come down from your highs he all but collapsed on top of you, and you unhooked your legs from his waist. Your arms stayed wrapped around him and the both of you laid there, sweating and panting against one another as you slowly came back to reality.

“Worth the wait?” He asked breathily.

“Fuck yes.”

He laughed, and you felt his chest vibrating on top of you. “Glad to hear it. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You shook your head before cupping his face and bringing it down to yours for a kiss. “It was perfect.”

He smiled back at you with that smile that felt like it could single handedly melt every glacier on earth and then some. Despite the fact that his weight was starting to make it difficult for you to breathe, you still whined when he pushed off the bed and slipped out of you to get the both of you cleaned up. He disappeared into the master bathroom, eventually returning with a wet washcloth to rid you of the sticky mess between your thighs.

Neither of you bothered putting any clothes on when he returned to bed and pulled you close, resting your head on his chest as the rest of your limbs tangled together under the sheets.

You lifted your head from his chest, meeting his eyes, “Can I stay the night?”

“Of course baby, get some rest.” He said and pressed a kiss to your forehead. You laid your head back down, closing your eyes.

You hummed at the feeling of his hands drawing circles on your bare back, and you dozed off to the sweet feeling and the steady sound of his heartbeat in your ear.

With Baekhyun, you felt like you had found your own little slice of heaven. This was the definition of bliss.

A/N: this is my first time writing smut so please be gentle with me, I tried my best 🤧

Next Chapter

#baekhyun #exo #baekhyun fic #exo fic #fanfic #fluff #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #exo smut #exo fluff #baekhyun fanfic #smut

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wicked-mind · 4 years ago

Text

The Ghost of You

The Ghost Of You

Summary: Y/N pulled Bucky out of a lot of dark places after Steve was gone. But when Y/N dies on a mission, he starts seeing her ghost. Is she haunting him for her death, or is she here for some other reason?

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Death of Y/N, sad Bucky, sad-ish ending. This is basically just sad. Oh, and there's a few swears.

Note: Let’s just say I’ve been stuck in my feelings these past few days. My mom passed away a couple months ago and I just needed to take that grief and put it into some sort of writing.

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“Are you almost done? I’m starting to pile up bodies!” Bucky yelled towards Y/N as he continued to knock out enemy agents, throwing them on top of each other. He had ran out of ammo when they entered the large glass building so he had to resort to hand to hand combat. The building wasn’t supposed to have this many agents, but Bucky and Y/N never backed down from a challenge.

Y/N laughed at him, “Yeah, Buck, I’m almost done. Patience is a virtue!” She said with a smile as she watched the computer screen in front of her continue to download the information the team desperately needed.

Bucky rolled his eyes at her comment, “Patience is not a strength of mine, hurry it up! We gotta get out of here!” He yelled back to her, kneeing another agent in the stomach which followed with a punch.

“Three… two…one… We got it!” Y/N said, unplugging the flash drive from the computer and tossing it to Bucky who tucked it away in a zipper of his jacket. She looked at the pile of bodies then back to Bucky, “You weren’t kidding, what a nice pile.” She smiled at him, “C’mon, Soldier.”

The two ran down the hallways, trying to avoid as many enemy agents as possible. They entered a suspiciously empty hallway, slowing their speed as they looked around. Every other hallway and floor had dozens of agents, why was this one different?

Bucky looked at Y/N, “I don’t like this. It’s too quiet.” He muttered, “I’ll go on ahead, check it out. You check the rooms.” He said before starting to walk down the hallway. He paused and looked back at her, “And please, be careful.” He said with a halfway pleading look before returning his focus ahead, his eyes scanning for any movement.

Y/N nodded at his plan, “Don’t worry, Buck. I got it.” She replied, watching him make his way down the hallway for a moment, then returning her attention to the doors. She opened the first one, it was empty. Second door, nobody inside. The third door gave Y/N a bad feeling. She stared at the doorknob for a moment, pulling a blade from the sheath on her thigh. She slowly turned the knob.

CLICK

Bucky turned immediately at the sound, “Y/N! Don’t!” But by the time he got the words out, it was too late.

BOOM

The door was rigged with an explosive and as soon as Y/N started opening it, the bomb on the other side exploded. Y/N was thrown back from the door, her back hitting the glass window with enough force to make it shatter. She fell through the window, her hands grasping for anything but only grabbing air. Then everything was black.

Bucky tried to run quickly down the hallway towards Y/N, but the blast sent him flying back down the hallway. He quickly stood, “Y/N!” He screamed out as he looked down from the 13th floor of the building, seeing her body below. Y/N had blood flooding around her body as she laid face up. Her eyes were open and staring back up at Bucky lifelessly. He knew in that instant that Y/N was gone just by the way her eyes looked up at him.

six weeks later

Bucky could swear he was being haunted. He kept catching glimpses of Y/N’s face everywhere, but when he took a second glance she was always gone. He blamed himself for her death, thinking of every way things could’ve been different. Maybe he should’ve been in charge of the doors. He could’ve survived the fall, and if not, at least Y/N would’ve survived. She was always a better person than him anyway. He had always admired her ability to find the light in dark situations. She had always been patient with him, especially when they first met. It took Bucky about a month to respond to Y/N with an answer other than ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ She trained with him in silence, always had an extra cup of coffee for him without needing a thank you, and always made sure he was in the right headspace for missions. The two became close friends. Sam was always teasing Bucky that there was something more than just friendship between the two but Bucky always denied it with a grumble even though he sometimes thought the same.

Bucky laid in his bed, sweating underneath the thin sheet as he had another nightmare about the day Y/N died. Every time he had this nightmare he tried to be quicker. Tried to get to her in time to stop her, but it always ended the same. With Y/N thirteen stories below, staring up at him lifelessly. He jolted awake in a panic, taking a few deep breaths and wiping the sweat from his face.

“Another nightmare?”

The voice caused Bucky’s blood to run cold. It was Y/N’s voice. He would know that voice anywhere. He turned his head slowly to see her sitting in the chair beside his bed, twirling a knife through her fingers with ease. She had a soft smile on her lips towards him as she usually did. Bucky rubs his eyes, blinking to see if he was still dreaming. But there she was, just sitting there like she hadn’t died six weeks ago.

“Y/N… How are you here?” Bucky asks, still in shock with what he was seeing.

Y/N shrugged, a small smile still on her lips, “Hi, Sweetness. Nice to see you too. No how are you? Nice knife you got there? You’re spinning it wrong?” She teased, but seeing no reaction she shrugs at his question, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m a ghost.”

“Are you haunting me?” Bucky asks in almost a whisper, his eyes staying locked on her.

Y/N narrows her eyes at him, the smile still on her lips, “Do I seem scary and haunting?” She asks in a soft voice and a tilt of her head.

Bucky shook his head, adjusting himself on the bed. He kept the sheet over his lap as he swung his legs over the side to sit on the edge of the bed facing Y/N, “No, not really. I mean, I’m not scared.. I just kept seeing your face everywhere and now you’re.… Here.”

“I don’t think I’m here to haunt you. I don’t have anything to haunt you for anyway.” Y/N said, standing from the chair. The knife had disappeared in thin air from her hands. She moved to sit next to him, looking up at him through his messy dark hair, “Maybe I’m here because you need help. And as you know, I’m very helpful. I’m pretty much your best friend.”

Bucky watched her. She talked and walked like Y/N. Even had the same knife tricks as Y/N. He wondered if he was going insane from grief, but at least he got to see her again if he was, “I kind of deserve the haunting part. I could’ve survived that fall, it should’ve been me checking those doors. Should’ve known better.” He said, looking down to his hands on his lap.

Y/N frowned a bit at Bucky’s reaction. This was something she helped him with when they were getting to know each other. She tried to show him not every bad thing was his fault and he couldn’t control everything but now he seemed to be slipping back into his old ways, “Don’t do that, Buck. It’s not your fault.” She reminded.

Bucky wanted to smile at her encouraging words. It was the same thing she always tried to tell him when he went to the dark places in his mind, “Even as a ghost you’re still trying to help me. Thank you, doll. But I still feel the guilt of it.”

Y/N moved to stand in front of him, grasping his attention, “Well, we will just have to work on feeling guilty for something you had no control over.” She said, placing her hands on her hips as she did when she would lecture him about such things, “It’s 2:30 in the morning. You should really try to get some sleep, I know you haven’t slept well since that day.” She said softly, returning to sit in the chair by his bed, “Don’t worry, I’ll be here.” She promised gently, the knife reappearing in her hand as she twirled it between her fingers.

Bucky watched her carefully, knowing she was right. He hadn’t slept well since that day and had only managed to get a few hours of sleep a night. He laid back on his bed, turning so he could face her as if to make sure she didn’t go anywhere. He watched her for an hour fiddle the knife through her fingers, a small smile on her lips. Bucky considered again if he was losing a grip on his mind from grief and guilt, but she felt so real sitting there watching him. He wanted to think she was real, but somewhere in his mind he knew the truth. Y/N was gone and this was the ghost of her.

When Bucky awoke, as promised, Y/N was still sitting in the chair waiting for him with the knife still spinning between her fingers. She gripped the knife to a halt when she saw his eyes open to look at her, “I’m still here.” She assured with a small smile, before standing and started pacing the room, “Okay, so I’m thinking a little sparring with Sam because I know it’ll make you feel better to kick his ass, after that you’re gonna need a good breakfast, then maybe a nice walk so we can talk about your feelings because we both know you aren’t going to share your feelings with your therapist.” She said, listing off the agenda.

Bucky smiled as he sat up. It was just like Y/N was alive again, always making an agenda to keep them busy for the day to keep his mind out of darkness. He couldn’t help but feel a little relief that he was seeing the ghost of her, or what he thought was a ghost. It was like she was still with him, “I’ve learned to never go against your plans.” He said softly, standing and pulling on some sweats and a grey t shirt that he could spar in, “You coming or what?” He asks as he walks towards the door.

Y/N smiles, she still had the ability to boss him around, “Of course I’m coming! You know my favorite part of the day is morning sparring. Punch the sleepy outta ya.” She beamed as she followed closely behind him down the hallways until they reached the training room. She stood at the edge of the ring, bouncing on her toes and throwing a few punches in excitement.

Bucky almost laughed at Y/N as he watched her bounce on her toes, but stifled it as Sam walked in. He was curious for a moment if Sam could see Y/N also, but when he walked right by her and didn’t acknowledge Y/N, Bucky had his answer about that. She was his ghost and his only.

Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky. Something was different today and he couldn’t figure out what. Things don’t happen over night to turn a man form a sulking mess into someone who seemed almost normal. Well, normal for Bucky. Sam wrapped his knuckles as he kept an eye on Bucky, trying to figure out what he kept looking over at by the ring, “Everything alright, Buck?” He finally asked as he entered the ring.

Bucky snapped his attention to Sam, following into the ring, “Yeah, everything’s fine.” He said shortly, wiping the emotion from his face. He circled so he could see Y/N behind Sam out of the ring. He tried to keep from smiling as she made faces at the back of Sam’s head, she would always do that when she was alive when Sam pissed her off. Bucky kept flickering his eyes to Y/N, who kept yelling out hints to him of what Sam was going to throw at him next. The edge of his lips even curled a little to smile as she encouraged him.

When sparring was done, Bucky stood by Y/N until Sam was gone, before turning to her with a grin, “You’re right. Kicking Sam’s ass does make me feel better.” He said as he unwrapped the tape from around his knuckles on his flesh hand.

Y/N smiled at him, nodding, “I’m always right, remember?” She said with a laugh as she folded her arms, “Okay, next on the list, breakfast.” She said, then wrinkled her nose, “But first, you need a shower. I may not be able to smell you due to the fact I’m a ghost, but I still remember what you smell like after sparring.”

Bucky chuckled and shook his head at her, looking down. Of course she was making jokes, she was always making jokes trying to get him to smile or laugh, “Of course I’m going to shower, I’m not an animal.” He said, starting to walk out of the training room.

Y/N followed him, “Your name is Bucky, it’s not that from off from animal.” She teased as she walked with him. She paused at the outside of the bathroom door, “I’ll be out here. Don’t worry. I think you’re stuck with me.” She said with a smile.

Bucky looked down at her outside the bathroom door, listening to her talk. He hadn’t tried to touch her yet, he was a little worried of how he would react if his hand went right through her, “I won’t be long.” He said, before disappearing through the door.

Y/N stood in the hallway leaning against the wall. She watched Sam walk by on the way to the kitchen to start to make breakfast as he always did. He made the best breakfast, it was something Y/N missed as a ghost. She turned her attention to the door as Bucky came out, all cleaned and dressed in fresh jeans and a black shirt, “Sam’s making breakfast, c’mon.” She said, nodding down the hallway.

Bucky nodded and walked with her to kitchen, going over and grabbing a cup of coffee and plating himself up some bacon, eggs, and pancakes. He sat down in his normal seat, looking over to see Y/N staring at the bacon as if she wanted some. He watched her even try to sniff it.

“Well that sucks. Can’t even smell the bacon.” Y/N muttered before making her way over to stand by Bucky, “You enjoy that bacon. Every last piece. And a few extra for me.” She smiles at him, a knife reappearing in her hand and twirling it through her fingers quickly. It was something Bucky had taught her. He knew all the tricks with knives.

Bucky smiled a little at her comment, picking up a piece of bacon and taking a bite off of it as he looked at her, making a small ‘mmm’ sound of enjoyment at the taste. Sam raised an eyebrow at this, trying to figure out what he was doing.

Y/N scowled at him, “Rude, James. Rude.” She said, “I have a knife. It may be a ghost knife but it’s a very sharp pointy knife.” She said as the speed of twirling the knife through her fingers quickened.

After breakfast, Y/N walked outside the perimeter with Bucky, her hands behind her back with her fingers interlocked as she walked, “So, this is the walk where we talk about your feelings. Tell me about your feelings.” She said, looking up at him from the corner of eyes.

Bucky sighs, he wasn’t looking forward to this part of the day. It was always something she had to drag him to do when she was alive. Y/N made him get everything out into the open so it wouldn’t eat him alive, “I don’t know, Y/N.” He muttered, “I don’t know what I’m feeling. A lot of guilt and grief.”

Y/N pursed her lips together as she listened, nodding slowly, “Okay, talk to me about it. Tell me how you feel.” She said, an encouraging smile on her lips as always.

Bucky didn’t talk for a moment, just kept looking ahead as if he was focused on the view. He finally broke the silence with a sigh, “I lost everything. I found Steve again, but now he’s gone too. Then I had you but because of a stupid decision… you’re gone.” He looks over at her, his eyes filled with sadness as he remembered watching Y/N being blown through the glass with panic in her eyes, “When I looked down from the window at you… You were staring up at me, but I knew you were gone from the look in your eyes. That image haunts me. It should’ve been me that was blown out that window. Or we should’ve just gotten out of there. I made that wrong call.”

Y/N nodded as she listened to his words, keeping a steady pace with him as they walked, “You can’t blame yourself for everything, Bucky. Shit happens and even if you are a super soldier, you can’t save everybody.” She looks over at him, “I don’t blame you at all. It was a terrible accident. Death is very difficult. When my mom died, it felt like my world was over. But everyday after she died, the sun still rose and the birds still sang and I hated it. It felt wrong that the world kept turning without her. I hated every person I saw, wondering why it had to be her and not someone else. I felt jealously anytime I saw another person with their mother.�� She paused, looking down at the grass. She had told Bucky her mom died, but never anything more about how it felt, “It felt like I had died too and they just forgot to bury me.”

Bucky looked at Y/N as she spoke, his eyebrows pulled together as he listened. He didn’t know she was affecting this hard by the loss, she never let it show. He wanted more than anything to just embrace Y/N into his arms, “I didn’t know it was like that for you, I’m sorry.” He said softly, realizing Y/N was always so busy focused on him that he didn’t see the grief she went through.

Y/N shook her head and gave him a small smile, “It’s alright, Bucky. You’ve been through more grief than probably anybody on the planet with what you’ve gone through. It’s alright to feel lost and scared about the future. But if you don’t keep moving forward and trying to make everyday better, then you’re, in a way, letting down those you’ve lost. They would want you to continue for them. I want you to continue living for me.”

Bucky stopped walking and looked at Y/N. He understood what she was saying to him, but it was easier said than done, “I’ll try, Y/N.” He said gently, honestly. He even offered a small half smile towards her.

Y/N smiled at his words, “Good. Now let’s finish our walk.” She said, continuing her strides. They talked about their past time together as they walked, laughing at memories they shared. Eventually, they went back inside and Y/N sat with Bucky as he ate dinner. She, of course, judged him for having a sandwich for dinner. Claiming it was strictly a lunch food and that Bucky was going to have to at least learn how to cook something.

After dinner, Bucky went back to his room with Y/N, watching as she laid back on his bed and spun the same knife in her hand. Bucky sat on the edge of the bed as he watched her, “Why are you always spinning that knife?” He asks curiously. Since he started seeing her, she always had that knife twisting between her fingers.

Y/N looked over at him, tilting her head slightly at his question. The knife came to a stop with the blade between her index and middle finger, “You don’t recognize it, Bucky? You’re gonna hurt my feelings.” She said with a soft smile.

Bucky narrowed his eyes as he examined the blade. He didn’t recognize it at first, distracted by the fact he was seeing the ghost of Y/N. But when he got a better look at it, he knew immediately, “That’s the knife I got for you after you asked me to teach you all my knife tricks… When you made me admit we were friends.” He said softly.

Y/N nodded, “There you go.” She said, looking at the knife that rested between her fingers, “I like to think this knife signifies everything between you and I. It was the start of our friendship, when you finally started opening up to me.”

Bucky stared at the knife, memories flashing through his mind from when he taught Y/N how to twirl it between her fingers effortlessly. She became almost as much of an expert in handling knives as he was from teaching her. He remembered the first time she cut herself as she tried to twirl it between her fingers, almost taking her ring finger off. Bucky was so concerned that he stitched her finger up himself and lectured her about always knowing where the blade was if she was fiddling with it. He smiled slightly at the memories as he laid back on his bed beside Y/N, turning on his side so he could look at her. Bucky suddenly felt sadness creep through his body seeing her laying there next to him. He wished she was real, he wished he could reach out and wrap his arms around Y/N. He was still scared to try and touch her, worried if he did she may disappear. As he stared at Y/N, Bucky suddenly realized why Y/N’s death was hitting him so hard. He had never told her how he felt for her because he didn’t really know until she was gone. It’d been a long time since he felt any sort of spark, but somewhere in him he knew that he loved her.

“What’s on your mind, Sweetness?” Y/N asks curiously, the knife disappearing from her hand as she turned on her side to meet Bucky’s blue eyes.

Bucky’s lips twitched into a small smile for a moment as she called him ‘sweetness.’ It was something she always called him, “Guilt, I guess.” He muttered over to her.

Y/N raised an eyebrow at him, “Guilt, huh? What about?”

Bucky sighs, “Guilt about all the things I’ve never told you.” He paused before continuing, keeping his eyes on Y/N’s face, “I have so many things I never thanked you for. Things I never told you because I didn’t realize them until you were gone.”

Y/N could see the sadness in Bucky’s eyes, but she kept a small smile across her lips, “I’m here now, Bucky. You can tell me.”

Bucky looked away from her for a moment, staring at the white sheet on the bed, “What if I tell you and you disappear?” He asks. He was worried Y/N was here to listen to his unfinished business and when he got it off his chest, she would disappear.

“Even if you can’t see me, it doesn’t mean I’m gone. I’m always with you, Bucky.” Y/N said softly to him, “I promise I would never leave you on your own, you know that.”

Bucky looked back to Y/N’s face. The way she looked at him, it made his heart feel heavy. He was realizing she was here because he needed to say how he felt. He reached out his right hand to touch her face, pausing before he got close enough to touch her. He was still scared she would disappear at his touch. Bucky swallowed his fear and continued his hand closer to Y/N’s face. To his shock, he could feel her cheek with his finger tips. His mouth parted a little in disbelief that he could feel her as if she was still alive and laying next to him in the bed. He pressed his palm to her cheek, stroking her skin with his finger tips. Bucky could feel some tears stinging his eyes as they welled up, “Thank you for never giving up on me, believing I was a better man than I thought I was.” He whispered to her.

Y/N smiled at his touch, lifting her own hand to touch his that rested on her face. She nodded slightly at his words, “You are a great man, James. Always remember that.” She paused as she watched some tears roll down Bucky’s cheeks, “Now tell me.” She whispered knowingly.

Bucky knew what he needed to say and what Y/N wanted to hear. He lifted his head from the pillow, looking down at her. He leans over, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, “I love you, Y/N.” He whispered against her lips.

Y/N kissed him back, lifting her hands to wipe away the tears from his cheeks. She pulled back from his kiss, “I know. I love you too.” She told him with a comforting smile, “Now let that guilt go. For me please.”

Bucky nodded to her request. He would try for her, he would do anything for Y/N. He kept his hand pressed to her face, not wanting to let go in case she would disappear when he removed his hand. The way Y/N spoke, it sounded like she was going to leave and as much as Bucky wanted her to stay this way forever, he knew he had to let her move on.

Y/N could see the gears turning in his head, she could see the worry in his eyes, “Don’t worry, Bucky. I’ll always be with you no matter what.” She promises to him, her finger tips brushing some of his hair away from his eyes.

Bucky listened to her words. They were genuine. He felt relief as he realized Y/N would always be with him, even if she wasn’t alive anymore. He promised himself he would carry her with him in everything he did. He leans forward again, feeling her soft lips against his. But as he felt her kiss him back, he felt her fade away. When Bucky opened his eyes again, Y/N was gone. He blinked a few tears out of his eyes as he stared at the pillow where her head had laid. Y/N may not be there anymore, but in the place where her head once rested, the knife Bucky had given her laid waiting for him.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky fanficion #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanficion #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x y/n #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fanfic

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thelittleboyfromloveactually · 4 years ago

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Two Shorten the Road

part 1

joel dawson x reader

warnings: cussing? idk, bad writing.....fluff, cuteness, monsters(is this a warning), mentions of death, SPOILERS

word count: 2154

prompt: when your best friend decides to leave your colony to go find the love of his life, you decide to join him on his journey even if you aren’t so happy about where this journey is going

Welp I did it, I took it into my own hands. I am writing a joel dawson series. Because we👏need 👏more👏joel👏fics👏 it’s basically the movie, almost the same script but obviously slightly different…ENJOY! <3

No one in my generation or later had a typical upbringing, I mean some of us did but then the world ended. This type of thing sounds straight out of some apocalyptic movie, but we basically live in one now. Agatha 616, an asteroid heading straight for earth, I know, so original. So we all came together and did what we do best, blow things up. Yup, we blew up teh asteroid, and humanity was saved! We thought. But here’s the thing about rockets, they are made of a bunch of chemical compounds which eventually rained back down on earth. Suddenly there were these Aileen creatures that mutated and started eating us. Ants, lizards, roaches, crocodiles, you name it. Our president was even killed by a giant moth. Ya….not so original now huh? We suddenly need tanks to kill ants, oh man I remember the good old days when a shoe would do just fine. Sometimes even the tanks didn’t work. Eventually the really big ones and our military took each other out and we lost 95% of the human population in a year! Those of us who survived hid, bunkers, caves, panic rooms, all around the world. So for the last seven years I’ve been hiding in an underground bunker. It’s really not as bad as it sounds, and it’s better than getting eaten alive. It’s a great group of people and we all love each other.

“Are you sure they’re asleep?”

“Who?”

“Y/N and joel!”

“Oh ya I’m sure”

“Joel? Y/n?”

“He’s asleep”

Actually we are both awake. Me and my best friend joel have kinda mastered faking being asleep. Our beds are right across from each other so we normally just lie there and make stupid faces at each other. We are the only two single people in our bunker. Nice huh? Joel is my best friend. I met him when I joined the colony. He’s the sweetest. It’s funny cause everyone thinks we should just have sex already because that’s literally all everyone else does. But we are way above that. Anyway, joel is in love with his girlfriend from before the colony, her name is Aimee. With one “I” and two “e”s. He loves to talk about her, he writes her letters. So in reality, I am the only one who is not in love in this bunker. I’ve never had a boyfriend, ever, even before the world ended.

We don’t really get any sleep. The moaning kinda keeps us awake. I got up and out of my bed and headed for the kitchen. I heard Joel’s bed creak and then his footsteps as he followed behind me. Another annoying thing about being down here is that to get to the kitchen from my room, you have to walk though other people’s bedrooms. Oh shit, they are busy, why would they leave their door open. Me and Joel stopped.

“Oh” joel and I said in unison

“Hey Y/N! Hey Joel!” Ava said

“Oh hey Ava” Joel said, we didn’t dare look over to our left.

“Y/N how’s it going?” Tim asked

“T-totally good tim, h-how are you doing” I asked

“Yeah, good” he responded

“I uh we couldn’t sleep” said Joel looking at the ceiling

“Ya we know the feeling” Ava said with a laugh

“Yeah probably not for the…..same reasons” joel said looking straight ahead

“Your guyses door was open, did you…did you know that?” I asked

“Yeah we know” they said

I shook my head and knitted my eyebrows together

“Okay” joel trailed off

Ever since Tim’s parents were eaten by a swarm of termites he and Ava have gotten really close, in every way.

“Okay, goodnight” joel said as we walked

Basically everyone is coupled up down here, a baby was born last winter! Welcome to the apocalypse kid. Ok if we ever get out of this, that would be an awesome story to tell your kids. “Oh ya I was born in an underground bunker doing a monster apocalypse” “yes exactly like World War Z but with bugs bigger than a 5 story building”. I mean come on.

So your probably wonder how the hell we get food, we’ll we have a cow. Gurdy. Gurdy is great. We also have a hunting party that brings back whatever they can from the surface. It’s gotten harder and harder, cause we ran out of bullets. And facing one of those things with a handmade weapon is just as hard as it sounds. It’s very very difficult. I go with them….sometimes. I still get scared. But I’ve been out quite a lot, especially compared to my man joel over here. I’ve been out maybe 30 times, he’s been out…maybe once, or not even. He’s the chef of the bunker. He makes super good Minestrone.

Me and joel like to hang out with Mavis. A robot. Yup. Not much for conversation, her batter is shot. Just like every other mavis I would imagine. When I’m not hunting we hang out with her. But sometimes I just go read. Reading and joel keep me sane. I mean sometimes joel drives me insane but I still love him. I have quite the collection of books too! I’ve got Emma by Jane Austen, a couple random ones that we found, all the hunger games and Harry Potter books, some mysteries that stopped being mysteries after a while, and then of course some smutty romance books for personal entertainment.

Joel likes to say that his thing is target practice. He has never hit the target but ya know, gotta entertain yourself. I think his thing is drawing though, he has this book that he draws in from Aimee. It’s really cool actually. He’s really good.

I sat watching Joel as he tried to hit the target, laughing a little every time he missed. It was cute how hard he tried.

“Shut up” he said shaking his laugh away

I laughed again, but then suddenly the lights started flickering. You could hear screeches and creeks echoing through the bunker. Joel turned to look at me. Worry and determination in his eyes. We both scrambled out of the room and into the kitchen where everyone was preparing.

“Hustle, hustle people we’ve gotta move”

I turned to look at Joel but then realized that he wasn’t next to me. Where did he go? Worry flooded through me. Suddenly the clanking of our weapon started behind me.

“Hey guys!” Joel said as he rammed into the railing, I shook my head. “Guys! I’ve got the weapons” he smiled at me

A few people walked over to him taking them out of his hands

“Stay” said Tim

“W-what?” Joel asked looking around in confusion

Everyone was talking and barking orders “grab what you need and let’s go! Y/N you coming?”

My eyes shot open “yes! Yup!” I jumped up and grabbed the bow and arrow from Joel.

“W-what's happening?” He asked innocently “what’s going on?”

“There’s a breach” said Tim

“What do you mean? Like inside the bunker breach?!” He asked

“Yes joel! Now come on!” I told him, patting him on the pack as I followed the others

He followed me and watched the plan get arranged

“Anna, Y/N and I will engage. Anderson and Tom plank him”

“Plank him, ya ok where do you guys need me? You want me to uh come through the rear or..?” Joel asked eagerly

“I don’t think your going to pass this joel” I told him

“Pass what? You guys need help, let me help” said clutching his crossbow

“You gonna make me say it?” said Sam

“Say what?!” God he was so adorably clueless

“You can’t handle it joel, your shook” said Sam, we all began getting into positions

“Ya ok, yes so you guys don’t get scared..ever?” He asked still getting ready to fight

“We get scared, we all get scared joel, but you get really scared” said Sam

“They are trying to make you feel bad joel” I said sweetly, trying to calm him down

“We love you joel”

“But your a liability”

“Ok why did that speech feel so rehearsed? And what about Y/N? She’s like…ya know?” He said bobbing his head

“Joel-“ suddenly the bunker shook and the lights flicked again

“Ok 30 meters out! Let’s move!” And we were off

Leaving joel and some others behind. You could hear the growling of whatever we were up against

I followed the others and listened carefully. I was freaking shaking. Don’t ask how I got sucked into becoming one the the hunters. Kinda just happened and I was just-

“OH SHIT!” I heard someone yell, it was too dark to see. Someone was gone, that thing took them. I couldn’t even see it. Oh fuck my life. Everyone began scattering, running away from the monster. I stopped running to take a breath, when I realized I was alone. Nicely done Y/N. The lights kept flickering. I heard something blow up in the distance.

“Conned? Conner?” I heard a whisper, one I knew all too well. Shit, joel. I ran toward the sound, and had no idea I was also running toward certain death. I stopped running. There it was, that thing. I’d never seen this before. I didn’t recognize it. I stayed silent, not moving at all. It slowly crawled over a shower curtain. Oh fuck. He was going toward joel! I quickly grabbed my bow and arrow and shot it. Right though the face. Next to its….eye I guess you could call it. Joel stood there, frozen.

I slowly walked over to him “Joel, hey are you ok?” I asked as I slipped my hand into his. He was trembling. Tears ran down his cheeks. He has a bad freezing problem, so I've been helping him work on it.

About an hour later I sat with Joel, still holding his hand as he stared out into space. We could hear everyone talking. How could this have happened?

“It ripped through steal”

“Anderson and I resealed the Breach point, nothings getting in that way again”

“But why did it happen?”

I tried to toon it out, and I hoped Joel did too.

“Joel, do you wanna talk about it?” I asked squeezing his hand, he looked so sad, which just crushed me

He shook his head

“Ok….” I nodded, I leaned into hug him but was interrupted by his voice

“How far away is Aimee's colony?” He asked

I pulled back, looking at him confused. The talking stopped and everyone look at him

“What?” Tim asked

“Aimee’s colony, how far away is it?” He repeated

“About 85 miles” he said as he furrowed his brows

“How long will it take to get there?”

“What do you mean joel?” I asked leaning closer to him

“Just humor me, how long?” He insisted

“7 days” said Tim

“Someone who’s armed and trained would hardly last 50miles, but you…joel” Ava said, I felt bad for him, he really didn’t deserve any of this

“Alright” Tim continued “now I need volunteers”

“I’m gonna go” joel said

No one said anything, they just stared

“It’s an impossible journey joel” said Tim, crossing his arms

Joel stood up, moving around my chair. “No im serious…I love you guys but there’s only one person in this world who ever truly made me happy and she’s only 85 miles away” he said strongly “I’m gonna go see her” I could see his mind was made up

God he was such a romantic, how could you not love this guy? Sure it hurts when your best friend tells you that you didn’t make him truly happy. Especially when you maybe sorta kinda have a crush on him.

He let out a breath “woah, that felt awesome” he said as he walked off to start packing

I stood there for a second processing and thinking, but then suddenly my mouth took over and well….

“I’m coming with you!” I said, he froze “I mean you can’t leave me here with these middle aged people, and your my best friend so” I shrugged

“I’ll come back for you I promise” he walked over to me “I can’t let you put yourself in even more danger” he said grabbing my arms

“I can’t let you put yourself in danger knowing that I could have helped protect you” I said, he stared blankly at me

I smiled “o-ohK…then I guess…” he trailed off

“Cool I’ll go pack” I skipped past him. Was I scared? Hell yes. But like I said, I needed to help joel and protect him in every way I can. And sure I wasn’t so happy that he was returning to his long lost love but if it made him happy then I would live. And anyway, two do shorten the road.

#love and monsters #joel dawson series #joel dawson fics #joel dawson #joel dawson x reader

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cryonme · 4 years ago

Text

fallingforyou- calum hood.

word count- 1.5k

tw- drinking, smoking, cursing, a couple of tears. other than that just calum being sexy and also cute.

mentions- calum, fiona, luke, michael

a/n- hi! sooooo, this is the first part in my “series” of Calum and Fiona. this series will not have to be read in any order, just a bunch of one shots of Cal and Fi been cute. BUT this ons should be read first, as its the start of their relationship. im very excited abt this and I hope you all are too!!! also, i know a lot of my followers are from the HP fandom but I've been really wanting to branch out with my writing so here's this little number. I still write for HP, btw! not to worry. anyway, I hope u all enjoy this. I love it a lot and I worked very hard!!!! inspired by fallingforyou by the 1975. I recommend listening to the song for dramatic affect.

—

Calum sipped on his drink as his eyes danced around the kitchen that was filled with drunk and high 20-30 somethings, unimpressed until his deep brown eyes landed on her. Dressed in a little halter top and flared jeans, head thrown back in laughter at God knows what, she laughed at just about anything, especially when intoxicated. Her dark hair cascaded down her back and her lovely brown eyes squeezed shut, she looked like a goddamn angel.

He told Luke a million times that he wasn’t coming to this party, just like he had done with every party that rolled around in LA, but once Luke promised her attendance, he still declined.

But snuck in anyway 3 hours in, trying to go unnoticed by his 3 idiot friends.

His plan failed, of course. Why wouldn’t it? Michael had caught him at the worst time, 4 jack and cokes in, grinning at her like an idiot from across the kitchen island.

“She’s your friend, mate. You know you can like, talk to her.” He had said, nudging his best friend with his elbow.

Calum rolled his eyes, “I’m not 7, Mike. I’ll talk to her when I want.”

“You’re never gonna land a girl like Fiona if you don’t say anything.”

“Who says I’m trying to land her?”

Michael nearly choked on his drink, “Good one, Cal.” He patted his friend's shoulder and pretended to wipe a fake tear. “Hey, Fi!”

Calum had known Fiona since 2013 when 5 Seconds of Summer first toured with One Direction, when she was an assistant to their tour manager. She was the same age as the guys and they all bonded quickly, and to this day she still tours with them. She’s still just an assistant, says she doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of manager, she mostly just makes sure the guys are all where they’re supposed to be at all times.

Fiona turned away from her friends and smiled at the two Australian goofs, excusing herself from the group of girls and making her way over.

“Calum Hood? Enjoying himself? At a party? Insanity!” She smiled that radiant smile of hers and took Calum’s cup from his hands, treating herself to a sip.

“3 of those things are true, and I’ll give you a hint, I’m not enjoying myself.” Calum retaliated and Fiona raised her eyebrows at Michael.

“Hi, Fi.” Calum smiled and slung his arm over her shoulder.

She playfully rolled her eyes and leaned into Calum, “Hey Mr. Buzzkill.”

“I’m gonna go play pong with Luke, you know how he gets when I’m not his partner. Bye Fifi!” Michael rushed out and ran out of the kitchen, no doubt going to gush to Luke and Ashton about Calum and Fiona being cozied up in the kitchen.

“You look pretty tonight.” Calum said flatly, not making eye contact.

He could say those kinds of things to her, they had been friends for 7 years, but the drinks definitely helped him get it out.

“Don’t look too bad yourself, Hood.”

Calum brought her small frame around in front of him so he could look at her. She rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him with her doe eyes, and he made a vow right then and there that he would absolutely get to call her his one day.

This happened often. Calum and Fiona would cozy up to each other when drunk, hugging and touching, never once kissing, and nothing ever came of it.

“Like, you look really pretty.”

Fiona threw her head back again and laughed, “You, Mr. Hood, are drunk.”

“Yeah,” Calum took her hand and spun her around so her back was to his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder, “And you’re really pretty. Look at us stating facts together.”

Fiona giggled again and grabbed Calum’s cup from him, taking another sip.

Calum slowly snaked his arms around her waist and she held onto his arms with her hands, Calum swore he would have melted on her right there.

Fiona spun again and looked up at her friend of 7 years. She wanted to know what went on behind those intense eyes of his. Ashton, Michael and Luke confided in her with almost everything, she knew all about what went on in their heads, but Calum had never told her a thing. Not one detail. She had no idea that Calum was falling for her, on that night, in that shitty lighting, and he was falling for her hard.

“Beer pong?”

The two had been waiting for their turn in beer pong for 20 minutes and finally decided to sit down on a nearby bench and just watch. Calum pulled her onto his lap and she hummed happily, with her arms around her once more.

The brown eyed boy took his arms off of her for one second while he dug through his pockets, then put them back in their rightful place, holding a joint up to her lips. She gladly took the weed into her mouth and allowed Calum to light the end for her while she took in a drag.

She held the joint between her fingers and blew out. “You’re a good friend, Cal.”

Calum frowned at that. He had been drinking a little bit more than usual and the word “friend” made his heart drop.

“Don’t wanna be friends.”

Fiona snorted, “Shut up.”

“M’serious.” Calum mumbled against her shoulder. “I don’t wanna be your friend.” He turned his head so he could place her lips on her neck, “I wanna kiss your neck.”

“Calum…”

“I’m falling for you, Fi.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So?”

“So you don’t get to do that!” Fiona suddenly jumped up off of Calum’s lap and faced him, catching the attention of a few people, but no one seemed to care enough.

“Fiona-” Calum started and reached to grab hold of her thigh but she slapped him away.

“Fuck you.” She spat and stormed away. She was probably just going to sit on the front steps. She was too drunk to drive and she left her phone with Calum.

The dark haired boy sighed and hoisted himself up off of the bench to follow after her, at least to give her her phone. He made his way through the crowd of people and was stopped by Luke right before he made it to the door.

“I don’t know what you did, but fucking fix it.” The blond poked his finger into his chest so hard he stumbled back.

“Wha-” He started but by the time he could he finish the one syllable word Luke was long gone.

Calum shook his head and pushed the door open, finding his favorite girl slumped over on the steps with her shoulders shaking. He hurried so he could crouch in front of her and rest his hands on her knees, and refused to move when she tried to push him away.

“I know you’re mad at me but you’re crying and nothing hurts me more than that.” He said softly, trying his best to get the girl in front of him to stop shaking.

After a couple minutes of letting Calum stroke her knee gently with the pad of his thumb, Fiona finally brought her head up and Calum wanted to kick himself for making her cry like that.

“I have loved you” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “For 7 fucking years Calum.”

Calum felt like he just got all of the wind kicked out of his lungs, but he didn’t move a muscle.

“I’ve watched girls who treat you like shit come and go and I don’t even get to pick up the fucking pieces because you don’t fucking talk to me, then one night you have a little bit too much to drink and suddenly you’re falling for me?”

“I love you.”

Fiona froze.

“Fuck, Fiona I’ve loved you for 7 years. Every girl who’s come and gone has been a distraction from you because in my head, you’d never feel the same way. I never opened up to you or talked to you because I was scared that if I did I’d let it slip that I love you and I’d lose you. Every time I see you my chest feels tight and I feel like I can’t breathe, every time you laugh I can’t help but smile to myself like a fool and whenever you cry I can’t look at you because I’m afraid I’ll cry too. Screw falling for you, Fiona. I fell for you.”

Fiona didn’t move, she felt like she couldn’t move. Calum had just shared more with her in 30 seconds than he had in 7 years, she was shocked.

“What the fuck took you so long.” Her question came out as more of a statement.

“I’m an idiot.” Calum breathed out before finally leaning in and kissing the girl he had loved for so long.

//pls remember to leave a comment or reblog if you enjoyed it, kind words mean a lot🖤and so begins the life of cal and fi, i can’t wait! hope u all are excited too. xx roxie

#calum hood imagine #calum hood #5sos imagine #5sos fic #calum hood one shot #calum hood fanfiction #5 seconds of summer #calum hood blurb #ashton irwin imagine #luke hemmings imagine #michael clifford imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #luke hemmings fanfic #5sos #luke hemmings #michael clifford #ashton irwin

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pastorpresent · 4 years ago

Text

Sam was really starting to despise bars.

It's like as soon as they entered one Dean would ditch him to chat up some hot blonde, leaving Sam alone to hunch over his beer and sit miserably as he watched Dean give all his attention to some bitch in a mini skirt.

He knew him and Dean weren't an exclusive thing. Hell, they were hardly even a thing at all. They hooked up here and there but Sam was starting to believe Dean only used him for convenience. After a long, gruelling hunt why would he waste energy trying to flirt his way into a girls bed, when he knows Sam will melt into him immediately?

It made Sam feel painfully pathetic for even feeling remotely jealous.

Tonight it was worse. Tonight it had been 2 whole weeks since Dean had even looked at him with lust in his eyes, nevermind fucked him.

He was losing interest and it hurt more than it should. It only hurt worse when they ended up in yet another bar, with Dean leaving him after a record fast time of 2 minutes to go sit with some long legged brunette a few tables over.

Sam sat in his seat, alone at the table picking at the label on his beer whilst trying his hardest not to fucking cry.

"Hey gorgeous, can I buy you another?" Sam's head lifted up to see a guy smiling down at him.

He looked a little older than Dean, but he wasn't unattractive whatsoever. He was built with plenty of muscle, and his face seemed kind.

Normally Sam would've declined, but his eyes flickered over to Dean where he had his arm around the girl and he found himself accepting.

A minute later the stranger was taking the seat opposite him, sliding over a beer and taking a swig of his own.

"So, does my angel have a name?" The man grinned, and Sam felt his cheeks burning up.

It felt like forever since Dean made him blush.

"Uh S-Sam. And you?" He was admittedly a little out of his depth. He had never flirted much in his life, especially not with strangers at bars, but the guy didn't seem put off by his stuttering. In fact, his smile just got a little bigger as if he found it endearing somehow.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Sam, my name's Adam. Any reason why someone so beautiful is sat alone in a bar on a Friday night? You're wasted in this place, Sammy." The familiar nickname almost sent a shiver through Sam, and he took a drink of his beer to hide it.

"Let's just say my date ditched me." It wasn't a total lie, Sam thought as he looked over to where Dean was saying something hilarious, if the way the girl threw her head back with laughter was any indication.

Adam moved his chair a little closer, and Sam felt a hand move slowly over his thigh.

"Well whoever your date is? I think they're certifiably insane." He grinned and Sam found himself laughing and blushing more at the guys upfront flattery.

Him and Adam talked for 30 minutes, and honestly Sam really liked the guy. He was sweet and funny, and even if Sam doubted he would end up going home with the guy, he was enjoying the attention regardless.

Adam squeezed his knee, sent him a small smile.

"Can I kiss you then, Sammy?" Sam's heart was going like a jack hammer in his chest, and he found his eyes travelling uncertainly to Dean for the first time in the last half hour.

The girl was gone. Sam wasn't sure why or when, but she was and Dean was still sat at the table with his eyes locked on him in such a way that he couldn't read. Dean's face was expressionless almost, fingers drumming against his bottle, and Sam swallowed down any sort of reservations he had with the last mouthful of his fourth beer that night.

He didn't answer Adam's request verbally, opting to instead lean forward and close those few inches until their mouths were locked together.

At first it felt... wrong. Maybe not wrong perse, just... odd. Sam wasn't certain when the last time was that he kissed someone who wasn't Dean, but he was willing to bet it had been well over a year.

Having someone kissing him who wasn't Dean just felt a little unnatural at first, but once Adam squeezed his thigh and nibbled gently at his bottom lip Sam felt himself relaxing into it and enjoying the feeling.

It was short lived, because very early into their make out session Adam was pulled - no, yanked - back and shoved to the floor.

"Stay the fuck off him, you creep!" Dean snarled, and it took Sam a minute to comprehend what was happening. Dean had his boot pinning Adam to the ground with ease, grinding it down with spite and making the man gasp for a breath.

"Dean! What the fuck?!" Sam demanded, standing up fast enough that his bottle tipped and the few drops of beer left dribbled out onto the table.

Dean didn't lift his foot, until he noticed shocked bystanders reaching for their phones to call the cops.

He spat on Adam, before turning and grabbing Sam by the wrist and pulling him out the bar and straight to the impala.

"Get in." Dean grunted, shoving himself in the drivers seat.

Sam rolled his eyes but did as he was told, dropping into the passenger seat. He barely had his door shut before Dean was speeding out the parking lot, and Sam felt his frustration flare even more.

What fucking right did Dean have to throw a guy off him, and how the hell did he have the audacity to be the one who was mad right now?

"That's was completely fucking unnecessary in there! He wasn't some creep, Dean. His name was Adam and he was actually really sweet-"

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes.

"He had his fucking hand on your thigh."

"So?! That girl was practically giving you a hand job under the table and I wasn't trying to cut off her air supply for it!" Sam exclaimed, and Dean's expression tightened.

"That's different."

"How?" Sam questioned, but Dean remained silent and tight lipped. Sam wasn't letting it go that easily. No way.

"How is it different, Dean? It's the exact same and you know it, you're just-"

The car jerked so violently off to the side of the road that Sam very almost hit his head off the window, gripping the dashboard to steady himself.

Dean killed the engine.

"It's different because it was someone touching you, Sam!" Dean yelled, and Sam just stared, brows furrowed and confused.

"Fuck this." Dean muttered, throwing his door open and getting out, running his hands over his face.

Sam sighed, climbing out and going around the car to be stood beside him.

"I don't get it."

"Because- look. I don't know, ok? I know it makes me hypocritical as fuck, but I saw you kissing him and... God Sam. I've never felt so fucking furious in my life. It had me reaching for my damn gun." Dean puffed out a breath, staring at the ground instead of Sam.

"Dean." Sam said quietly, inching closer and pressing a soft kiss to his jaw line.

Some of the tension left Dean then, and he brought his hands around Sam's waist.

"You know we can't keep doing things this way. It's gonna get someone killed." Sam pointed out and Dean's face hardened again slightly.

"Yeah, whichever guy thinks he can touch you next." He said, his voice low with a possessive tint that made Sam roll his eyes.

"Likely. I think... we need to either end this all together or make it exclusive." Sam murmured, and Dean leaned forward to kiss him.

"I have no issue with being exclusive. You've ruined me for girls anyway... the last couple of weeks I can't even get it up for them. That may have been the reason we haven't fucked in two weeks, because I've maybe been trying to see if I can get hard for girls still. Turns out I can, but it takes far too much effort to be sexy." That send a flush of pride through Sam and he grinned, nipping at Dean's lips.

"Maybe it's the old age?" He teased, and Dean rolled his eyes but smirked as he grabbed Sam's wrist and directed it to his hard on.

"Nah, baby. All you. Always you, Sammy."

#possesive dean #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn #supernatural #sam and dean #samxdean #sam x dean #wincest #wincest smut #sam/dean #mywriting

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